relationship tidbits....

have several different friends with relationship stuff goin' on
right now....

i just typed out all these bits and pieces in an email to one of them,
and thought these were too good not to share......

these are from 'a book for couples' - i think i have it listed right in
that amazon thingie on the side here........maybe not. who can remember.
it's a good one....... it's by hugh and gayle prather.....

here we go...for anyone needing these today......


'first you must understand that there are many parts of you that cannot connect with anyone.
and you must realize that you feel very protective of these parts. you feel attacked if they are
pointed out and you have many memories of occasions on which this happened. ......

here then is the work before you - to let go of all the ways you contrast yourself, to shed
everything you identify with that creates a difference, a gap, between you and your partner.'

'you must give up your judgments because they cannot join with another. not only do most
people not believe this, they proceed from the opposite position. they try to have contact with those who
'have the same outlook on life' and who seem to agree with their opinions....'

'you need not relinquish your identity. there is no mad sacrifice entailed here. merely begin
questioning the many ways you have of defining yourself. .....

no changes in behavior are required....what must change is your investment in being this
bundle of peculiarities and wonders, because you simply cannot, for example,
think it important that you are a person who chews politely without also judging your mate
for munching like a horse.'

'your simple goal is to practice being your heart rather than your history.'

'so be a friend, one who works to lift the distress rather than one who tries to cast doubt
on your mate's ability to perceive and reason.'

'every time you watch rather than react you become a little less well defined and thus freer to
be something more, something deeper.'

'your partner is your personal opportunity to be at peace. nothing less. and certainly
there is nothing more. whatever he or she professes or does, this one potential remains
invulnerable. you have before you an ongoing occasion for sinking into your own
gentleness and expanding.'

'see the person, not your past. lift the veil of comparisons from your eyes and love simply
and directly.'

'most people long for an affect rather than a real relationship......they want everything
except to give.'

'...for you will recognize that these are just the many conflicting voices of your past,
agreeing on nothing, fearing and judging everything, and that you are something more,
something whole and sane.'

'if you can merely assume some degree of distortion in all your perceptions,
you will not be as quick to judge, as quick to take stands and be right, as quick
to trun away and be discouraged, and this will provide a little space in which healing
can begin.'

'i have no more use for this thought. as a gift to our relationship, i will not pursue it.'

'whatever your ego tells you is not true. anger, fear and judgement are
always groundless, and in almost every instance they can be relinquished.'

'very consciously and very deliberately feel the basic goodness of your partner,
and know the reason you choose to do so.'