Tuesday, December 13, 2011

the nature of the game....

one of the questions on those question cards we played with the other day
was 'where do you go to relax?'

my answer was my walks. 'they're my favorite part of the day.'
i mentioned it to the guys yesterday about how much i loved them.

truly, they are what keep me sane, they are my gold piece of the day.

this morning i shooed bob off the phone as i didn't want to miss the sunrise.

i ran outta the house. i was in time. and i was thrilled.

as i walked on some grass near the busy road, i backed up when i
realized i had passed a hole in the ground.

i backed up and filled it up so that i wouldn't trip in another time when
i was walking.

well, i don't think i'm gonna worry about it for awhile now.
some stuff happened on my walk - nothing 'serious' that anyone has
to worry...but enough for me to decide that i'm gonna stop taking the
walks for awhile. because of safety.

the tears came to my eyes this morning as i headed home knowing
that i really shouldn't be doin' these. that it's just not the smartest/safest
thing to do right now. our neighborhood's been havin' a lotta problems.
it's not the time to be out alone.

i walked in.
noah was in the kitchen.
i couldn't face him just yet.
i didn't want to burst into tears.
i went into my room and made the bed i had left undone in my hurry
to get outside. tried to get a grip.

and then i sat and told noah what had happened and how i'm gonna stop
and i just couldn't hold back the tears.

he was great.
offered to go with me, or to walk behind me so i had space to think.
a good good guy.

and i'm sure we'll grab some mornings together.
but i know early freezing mornings aren't everyone's form of delight.

i think it's time to try a new thing.
i've been wanting to sit with the sunsets.
maybe it's time to do that in my own yard.
get to know the sunsets a bit.

i can do that.
i will do that.
and i know i'll love it.

right now, i'm just so sad tho.
it's my favorite part of the day.
and i feel like it got taken away.
totally taken.
i keep giving bits away, but now i gotta give
the whole darn thing.....

well, i guess the evenings will become my favorite.
i guess that's an okay thing.
actually, kinda an interesting thing.
i stood at my studio doors last nite and watched the sunset.
it's been calling me lately.
it really has.
and i haven't been answering.

changes happen.
and sometimes i gotta be kicked into change.
and there has been a calling......

i'm gonna give myself a break and allow myself some crying over this.
cause it does feel lousy.
and then i'm gonna figure out how to make it work good...
and i'm going to stay open to the magic it will bring.

wouldn't you think one thing in life could just stay constant???

guess not, ter.
get over it.
it's the nature of the game......


AkasaWolfSong said...

You know Star Woman...I've read this entry over and over again, and I keep coming bqack to one thing...it isn't that your morning walks are being 'taken away,'...but perhaps instead it is time for you to get to know the sunset as intimately as you know the sunrise...both ends of the spectrum to so speak? And...I'm thinking too, that once you embrace the sunset as fully as you have embraced your favorite time of the day in the morning, and your walking, that maybe, just maybe it will once again return to you?

Hmmmm...it's just curious I know!
Anyway....I'm sending you good energies and thoughts and just wanted you to know that.

((((Big Hugs))))

terri said...

thanks, akasa....you know, i really feel that you're right. it's funny too as i've never been one to love getting up early (i do it out of necessity now) and if you had asked me ten years ago, i would have told you that sunsets are more my thing. sooooo maybe it's time to check them out! thanks for this......