also ourselves

so i had this pretty strong dream that my guy left me.
i could feel all the emotions in the dream.
it was strong and powerful.
i woke up glad it was a dream, glad i had a day ahead with him,
and totally motivated to appreciate him.

i didn't feel like the dream was a 'sign' or anything like that...
i wasn't worried about our relationship, and i was a little surprised
i had it. but i was appreciative that it happened.
cause anything that boots me into gratitude is a good thing.

well, as if i needed any more encouragement about appreciating what mattered,
we went to see the margaret thatcher movie. which we both decided wasn't
about margaret thatcher, but about a woman at the end of her life, having
to look back to where she had been, see where she was now, and ultimately -
clean out her closet.

exactly my kinda movie.
and as i watched, i thought of my life.
and i thought of what it was gonna be like if i was the survivor and i had to
say goodbye to my guy. for real.

between the movie and the dream, i couldn't have appreciated that man of mine
more. i held his hand thru the movie, and snuggled in close at different parts.
best thing ever about the movie theater is the arm rests go up and you can
scoot close. i felt his hand in mine and treasured it. we didn't have to be there
together. and i knew it.

later, i put a few pieces together and saw what probably brought the dream on
in the first place. nothing about my guy, all about my own insecurities. and i
got a little worried i'd never get past the darn things. i thought of the dream.
i thought of the movie.

in a blink, it's all over, ya know?
i truly truly want to have lived fully.
and as far as i can tell that means loving fully.
and what i got, after awhile, yesterday, was that my gosh, yes, it's the ones
we care about so much we gotta show our love for...
AND...AND...AND it's also ourselves.
by golly, it is so also ourselves...