here's to it all......

it was one of the best days of the year.
it truly was.

headin' down town to see one of the coolest exhibits i've ever
seen, was an extra treat as josh was with bob and i.
the banter between those two just makes me laugh and shake my head.
it was light and fun and happy. exactly what the doctor ordered.

the exhibit - a room completely transformed into a magical fairy land,
hit the 'little terri' part of me i had been trying so hard to find the last
few days. she was there, wide eyed and completely present.

i reveled in all the feelings that were going on inside of me.
and for a little bit there, there was no question in my mind that magic
was indeed part of life. it wasn't even something i questioned -
i just knew it. and i knew little terri was right there with me.

coming out into the air and heading towards the car, i didn't
even have words for how much the exhibit thrilled me.

we stopped to see the MLK memorial.
and carved on the walls where you could walk around were some of
his famous quotes.

when i got to these two, i just stopped and took them in.
i thought of all the stuff that happens to me that knocks these beliefs around
inside of me - and then i tried to imagine all that dr. king had seen -
and i wondered how he could hang on to these beliefs.
and i just stood there in awe at that idea.

i believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love
will have the final word in reality. this is why right,
temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

darkness cannot drive out darkness,
only light can do that.
hate cannot drive out hate,
only love can do that.


i knew these were two quotes i wanted to take into the new year with me.
josh walked by, saw me standing there and stopped and read them with me.
he stood and held them with me. and i felt so lucky to have him for a son.

driving home, the laughter filled the car up until it almost burst.
there was mentions of stomachs hurting from laughter,
and i leaned against bob with total delight as josh drove along with
such a smile on his face.

there was a sharing of hearts over a much needed lunch.  an opening and
a vulnerability that if a family's really lucky, they can share when one of
the group is hurting. he had come sad, and unable to smile. he left still
sad, but the last thing i heard from him was a laugh as he got in his car.

there was popping in on the neighbor's party and shouting to be heard
over the festive ruckus and feeling welcomed into their extended family,
and feeling the bond of being neighbors so long and watching our kids
grow up. hugging him happy new year, feeling grateful he was here and
workin' hard to fight his illness.

and then to return to the quiet house and have zakk goof in such a way
that i almost fell outta my chair laughing. only to welcome the new year
in moments later.

the old year ended with such delight, such love, such a sense of family.

and, oh yeah, even in that incredible mix, there was some stuff that was hard.
bob had to leave early because of it. and i felt sad watching him head out.
and yet, i knew it was all part of it.

the incredible mix.
it was still there. right smack in the middle of one of the best days of
the year. right smack in the middle of the last day of the year.
and here it is, right smack in the middle of the first day of the new year.

that's life, isn't it?
and how lucky we are to head into this new year, with the incredible
mix of it all. the laughter, the hugs, the teasing, the sadness, the craziness,
and the hard stuff we just can't quite figure out........

here's to the new year...
may we hold every part of it as sacred.
happy new year!