Friday, February 24, 2012

more seeing

he's young, starting to see some stuff about himself and asking for a little help
in what to do with it.

we decided we're gonna try some work together with it all.
and in thinking about his story, his struggles, his blocks, i tried to come up with
stuff to help him.

and of course, it was stuff that would help me, or anyone.
because that's how it works.

it's 'looking' stuff.

i'm gonna sit down later today and try to outline it a bit.
but everything i came up with was 'looking/seeing' stuff.

really looking at things that have happened and seeing the people involved,
including himself.  that kinda thing.

really looking at what he does to get thru and what it does to his life.

saying it out loud and working with it.

as i walked and thought of it this morning, i shook my head in how much it tied
in with my sadness from yesterday. the people just not looking, just not seeing,
just not saying it out loud. and all the pain and suffering that has created.

i'm not confident he'll come to the real looking and seeing and saying it out loud.
i think i'm holding back on the confidence cause then i'll get swept up in wanting
an outcome for him. and i think that's the worst thing i can do for him. so i'm keeping
myself away from that.

just gonna offer what i can and leave it to him. that seems really important to me.

but here's the's gonna totally affect me.
it already has.

in thinking of things i want to ask him, i turn them onto myself.
oh man.

trying to see the other people in the hard situations i've been thru.
seeing them as people with their own stuff.
i've done a lotta work on that. spent a lotta time with that.
but you know what? i think that's a forever project.
you can always do more.

and then, the more you see, the more you know there is still yet to see.

about you.
about the people around you.

a forever project.

i'm gonna see if i can get him on the road a bit with it today.
but i know that's not my deal - 'getting him' anywhere.
i can offer.
and that's it.

what's my deal is doin' my own seeing.

so i'm gonna take what goes on today between him and i,
and i'm gonna work with myself with it.

because i think seeing is one of the most important things we can ever do.
and for some reason, we really blind ourselves over and over and over again.

1 comment:

Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

I really needed to hear this today, really needed to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this. I keep telling myself that "we teach what we most need to learn," and if I'm feeling like I need to show someone something that I think is important for them, that I also need to turn it around on myself. But it's so easy to get caught up in trying to make others see, and so difficult to actually see ourselves. Like you said, it's a forever thing, and if we need to keep reminding ourselves of that over and over and over, then that's the way it has to be. Thanks for sharing this, Ter, it really helps :)