bubbles

josh and i pulled into the church parking lot.
the parking was full except for all these reserved parking spots.
they weren't reserved for the funeral.
they looked permanently reserved.
we were both too tired to deal with that silliness.
josh parked in one of the spots, got out, took the sign out of
the ground, stuck it in the back of his car and told me he'd
put it back when we were done.

i laughed.i loved it. i was so tired of rules and people
who took things so seriously. this was perfect.
and in we went together.

there was a few moments in the service where they asked for a
silent meditation. time for us to think our own thoughts about my friend
who had died.

i bowed my head, but i didn't close my eyes.
'meribeth, if you can even hear this, i can't do this now. you know i'll
start sobbing and make a scene. i'll do this later when i walk, okay?
right now i'm just gonna think about groceries or something so i don't
fall apart.'

and i did.
i can get into my heart way too easy and way too fast and the group
of people just didn't need the reactions to that that would certainly surface.
i grinned. and knew she'd be okay with that.

we specifically went so we could tell her son we were there if he needed us.
we got a chance to do that, and then left.
josh put the sign back in its spot and we headed back.
it was an hour drive so we had a good chance to talk.

life/death/the point of it all/winning/losing/success/love were covered
as we drove down the highway. it was good.

he dropped me off at bob's and he went off to yet another funeral.

there was wandering around with bob, meeting all the guys for a drink after
josh's second funeral, more wandering with the man, and then the drive home with him.

and it was then i finally remembered to tell him something that mattered
between us. i've been so fuzzy brained, i kinda shook my head and said
'i can't believe i haven't told you this....'  and then told him something from
my heart. he looked over at me as he drove. looked me in the eyes and i knew he
got it.

when i closed my eyes to go to sleep last nite, i thought of the car rides.
i always thought of cars like little bubbles.
we get in these little bubbles and we can just share and live an isolated
little piece of life together for a bit.

i've always loved that.

walks are bubbles too.
they're like that.
you can get sharing with someone on a walk that's different than other places.

so i'm headin' out for a walk with my other two guys.
cause today's more death stuff.
and i want to make sure we're talkin'.
cause that's life stuff.
and it matters.