Wednesday, March 7, 2012

a good quote and a good question

i had a tornado dream the other nite.

i haven't had one of those since the days of my marriage upheaval.
they definitely signal change for me.

and yeah, it looks real possible my life is going to change this year.
i'm pretty sure either me or the guys will find new living quarters sometime
before the year's over.

it's all good wonderful healthy positive stuff.
stuff to rejoice about.
the guys are grown men who need to be independent,
and bob and i are coming to time where we'll be able to be together.

good stuff.

but very big changes for me all the same.

there's no details worked out yet. it's all up in the air.
but it's coming.

and i know it.

so now when i walk across my living room floor, i'm looking at
the worn hardwood and thinking of all the years of life we've worn
into that floor.

i'm starting to look around this house at all the love packed into
it in every nook and cranny.

and i'm tryin' to think of what it's gonna be like when either i'm gone
or the guys are gone.

hence, tornado dreams.

no coincidence zakk was just a little tyke in my arms in that dream, is it?

i'm glad i had the dream, cause i knew i had to be swirling inside, but i wasn't
sure where it all was. i was hiding it pretty well.

well, i found it.

so i'm sure this year i'll be dealing with the all the feelings that come from
motherhood ending. or you know......i  know it doesn't end, but you know what i mean.

i popped open my carolyn myss book (defy gravity) for a little inspiration.
and i found it right away.

i got this -

'The empowerment journey that is critical to your healing - and to your life-
comes from progressing through the deep waters of your dark passions and
continuing onward to discover not what has been taken from you, but what
you have yet to give and who you have yet to become.'

isn't that a great quote?
read that one again.
i bet we all can get something outta that one!

i know my kids aren't being taken from me.
grin. i'm not that bad off.
i've really got a pretty good handle on them bein' on their own.
i can tell we all need it.
i see it. i know it. i mostly have it.

but i guess cause it feels like an end to's hard.

so that's why the quote helped.
i really need to sit and think about who i have yet to become.....

cause there's just so much to this living stuff, isn't there?

who have i yet to become?

anyone ask themselves that lately?

1 comment:

Dan McGaffin said...

"who have i yet to become?"

My first thought was "myself".

Butterflies and metamorphosis have been on my mind and in some of my writings lately. So yeah, I totally get the whirlwind of change thing.