it just is

i know. i know.
it's life. it's filled with emotions.
and i can't just expect myself to be all clinical.

i know.
i know.

thing is - there's something that makes me sad over and over again.
it's the same thing over and over again.

you can take all the stories, pile them up and record what the hurt is in
each one.

it's the same hurt.

and the thing is - the hurt is there because i keep fighting the reality that
exists.

if i accepted the reality, i don't think the hurt would be there.

i think there would be a sadness...but i think it would be different.
and i think i've seen flashes of that.
and had moments of acceptance.
i know i have.

lately, tho, i've kinda sucked in the acceptance department.

it's funny too. i was just reading something i wrote about something in my life
that never got resolved. it's over. done. and won't ever be resolved.

and i sat and thought about it.
that's the way life is.
it's more common than actually resolving things, i think.

to get okay with that......my gosh, i want to do that.

to accept life as it is.
to know it's good the way it is. even if some stuff isn't how you'd write it.
to still know it's good.

hmmmmmmmmm........

i know it's still good.
okay.
i've got that.
so it's got to be more than that.

to know the stuff that makes me sad is still good.

is it?

is it 'good'???

hmmmm.....

in steps that zen stuff.
it's neither good nor bad.
it just is.

to be there.
where it just 'is.'
man, that seems like a long road to get to.
but i swear, i'm gonna keep tryin.....