another day begins.....

a dance.
a darn stinkin' dance.
no.
no.
no.
an incredible wonderful amazingly intricate dance.
that can be darn stinkin' at moments.
that's life.
that's the deal with my moods.

it felt so good to listen to my heart yesterday.
i could just feel it again. it felt so good.

and then, this morning two things right in a row knocked me right back into fear.

i read somewhere once that there's really only two emotions - love and fear.

i like that. the more i've toyed with that, the more i believe it.

so this morning i reacted and felt fear.

i reacted to two things.

so that right there is something for me to think about.
i'm not sure i want my life to be about reacting.
and the reacting into fear really isn't what i want.

and so i walked and tried to push myself back to my heart.
well, i tell ya, it felt like a tiny little terri pushing on a very stubborn giant terri's legs.
the little ter was pushin' and grunting and trying. and the giant terri wasn't moving.

so okay. the tiny terri falls back, looks up and says 'well??? is this where you
want to be???'

nah.
it's not.

i really don't want to be in fear today.

so the giant terri scoops up the tiny terri, grins and takes a step closer to her heart.

i don't know if it's abnormal or not, but i can feel that heart of mine.
i can tell what it's doing. and with a little quiet sitting with it, i can get to a place
where i can hear it.

and that's all i want right now.
i'm not concerned with getting to a place where i open it to the world today.
i just want to get to a place where i open it to me today. and then i'll take it from there.

i can do that too.
it's not forcing myself.
it's allowing myself something i want.

it's kinda cool.
and so another day begins......