if my friend only knew......

a wave of grief kinda hit yesterday.

so i decided it was a good time to do errands.
i could go out and about and be alone with myself.

and so i wandered and did my stuff and drove and thought.
as i drove at one point, i realized i wanted things to be different.
i looked at so many things that had happened, and just wanted them to be different.

and i thought about that.

well, ter.........they're not.
they're not different, you can't change them, and this is the way it is.

and believe it or not.....that helped.

i think  i didn't realize i was walking around with the wanting things to be different feeling.

i don't think i knew.
so when i saw that, i could address it.

a lotta times when i pull into my driveway, i'll just look at my house and my yard
and feel a lot of gratitude.

i didn't even notice.
gratitude wasn't present as yet.

i unloaded the car. took a few trips. groceries and stuff.
never even noticed the inside of my house.

gratitude had definitely disappeared.
usually i can't walk into my house without feeling good.

i finished unloading and went out to the mailbox.
and there, right on top of the mail, was this little package with drawn mustaches
decorating it. a mustache monday goodie.

i smiled. picked it up. saw it was from an on-line friend who's got a heart of gold,
and just felt so good.
standing there on my street, holding that package, the door to gratitude musta opened.

cause i walked into my house with the mail in my hands, closed the door and leaned on it
and looked at my living room and kitchen. i could hear the music coming from the attic
where the guys were working. 'i am so darn lucky' i thought.

bam.
gratitude slipped right back in.

my evening was quiet, but way better.

after sleeping in this morning, i poked my head out the door to say hello to the morning.
it was so gorgeous i gasped out loud.

if a morning this glorious doesn't make you want to dance for joy, i don't know what will.

i stepped all of me outside.
the breeze was blowing with a great coolness.
i closed my eyes and was so glad to be alive.

i'm okay this morning with things being the way they are.
some of it makes me really sad, yeah. it does.
but some of it is incredible.
and all of it.......when i hold it in its entirety....makes me feel way way blessed.

as i stood there looking at the sky, i grinned.
all this started with a mustache gift in the mail.
if my friend only knew..........