Friday, April 20, 2012

trusting the differences

it used to unnerve me when i'd tell him something close to my heart and he'd joke.
i'd feel like he didn't 'get it' or was makin' fun of me or whatever....

silly girl.
i just didn't trust him or it or us or everything....

thing is, no one understands me like he does.
and he 'gets it' in a moment. whereas it takes me paragraphs.

so last nite when he joked, i laughed.
and i snuggled into his arms.

for me, that's a huge story.
it's a long road of learning about each other,
sharing, seeing, understanding. building trust.

i think one of the most important things i've learned from this guy of mine is
that just because someone reacts really differently than i would,
doesn't mean their heart's in a different place. but you don't know that
unless you really look and really see.

sounds simple enough.
but i don't think it's simple at all.

cause you gotta really want to look and see.
which means you gotta drop a lotta your own stuff to do that.

it's taken me a long long time to really understand this idea.
and it's in my getting that, that i've grown the best relationship i have
ever had in my life (outside of my kids of course.)

two people can look very different on the outside. but it's getting past
the outside and trusting the inside that changes everything. it's the
looking and the seeing that opens the space for love.

i gotta take that lesson out to the rest of my life.
cause i'm pretty sure it's all around me.
and i'm pretty sure that alotta times i'm just seeing what i want to see.
not what's really there.


Brigitte / La de Ojos Azules said...

OMG Terri you don't know how desperately I've been trying to hold on to exactly that recently! I've been tempted to feel taken advantage of again (yes, I've gone back to that again!) but this time I tried to look at the situation from the other person's point of view and WOW! What a revelation! You're right, we do tend to see things from our point of view, mostly, but it is when we drop that for a minute and try to see it thru the other person's eyes that we're shown something completely different, something that could change everything. Thanks for the reminder, Ter, I really needed that this morning :)

Sherry said...

That is an amazing piece of wisdom, Terri.... "just because someone reacts really differently than i would, doesn't mean their heart's in a different place."

It's definitely something I've had problems with in the past, and I'm only just starting to realize that this may be a real possibility...

Oh, but really looking and really seeing means you have to really trust that they're being real and honest with you (and themselves.) Oh, what scary things!!! How do you know??

Anyhow, it's awesome that you're posting this 'cuz it's really encouraging! Thank you!

terri said...

oh gosh, so glad it hit right!
ah, sherry......the how do you know stuff is what makes us crazy, isn't it?!!