okay, so the last two mornings i woke up early early and just kinda crazed.
not real fun, but prolly a good sign my energy's comin' back.
this morning tho, when it happened i just felt that ol' insanity runnin' thru me again.
do i need to be freakin' out about everything?
ah...there was peace in sickness. i was too worn out to freak out. too worn out to think.
it's all rollin' back in with a vengeance now.
well, makes sense....i haven't exercised in forever.
and that's always been what's kept me sane.
and so i walked! yes! i walked this morning. not much....and not fast......but still!
it was a walk. and then i pulled a few weeds when i came back home.
and i have absolutely nothing in perspective.
i'm outta whack, outta skew, outta sorts.
as i weeded, a lotta stuff inside of me was coming out.
taking it out on the weeds felt good.
i was amazed tho at all that was pouring out.
i considered taking a break from the blog.
i feel worthless with what i'm offering.
and then i thought, nah, that's part of the journey.
sometimes you're just in a pit of nothingness.
if you go away, then the pit doesn't get shared.
and the whole point of this silly place is to share the journey.
pits and all.
and so i'm here.
a bit scared, a bit off center, a bit overwhelmed, a bit excited to have some
energy coming back, a bit confused, and a bit teary.
i walked, looked at the sky and wondered what it was all about.
really?? i asked myself. you're back here again??? lost again???
i don't even know.
maybe i just really don't even want to know......
it's scary to think of facing all those feelings yet again........
and onward we go....
with the thought 'it's a gift, ter. it's a gift' echoing in the back of my head....