way grateful

ha!
the little spring is back in my step!
ha!
ha!
ha!

ohmygosh, you don't know how much you miss it til you get it back.
my gosh.

i care again.
i care about life again.

i care about being healthy again.

i mean, i care in my heart. not just my head.
feels like it's been all just my head for a bit here.
but my heart is alive again.

a ton of it is getting healthy, gaining my strength back, feeling much stronger.

but that's not all of it.

a lot of it is being loved back into life.

and i wanted to acknowledge that this morning.

i am so blessed by this darn goofy guy in my life.
no one has ever loved me like he has.

to have someone just hold on to you while you feel like you're slipping away.
to just hold you and stay there.
to remind you of who you are, and that who you are matters to them.

not who they need you to be. but who you are.

we were listening to the guy who wrote 'who dies' on youtube the other day.
and he (stephen levine) said a line -

'if i want you to become the least different, then you become an object in
my mind instead of the subject of my heart.'

we both kinda leaned back and made a noise over that line.
it's one heck of a line.

i truly feel like the subject of my guy's heart.
and THAT will bring anybody back to life.
what a gift.

feeling grateful to be loved back to the living.
to be getting stronger and stronger every day.
and to care with my heart again.

feelin' way way grateful.