our last hurrah......probably.......

i've been worried about the outside of my studio for years.
it's rotting.

sigh.

finally committed to fixing one of the three walls.

one wall, ter.
that's the way to to do it.
you'll learn how to do it,
it won't be overwhelming,
and you'll be able to pay for it.

one wall.

you can do another in the fall,
and the last one next spring.

okay.....i got excited.
we went out and went over how to fix it.
what to do.

got it.
i'm in.
this isn't so bad.

went down and got the materials.
i pushed one of the big ol' clunky carts around
stacked with wood and even a window.
and the excitement grew.

felt empowered.
taking care of what i needed to take care of.
yes!
this is good!

oh yeah....but there's that washer pipe we have to check out.
it's been backed up since january.
shouldn't be a big deal....
we've done this before.
dig at the pipe, check where the roots are, get rid of them,
replace what we needed to and viola!

uh oh.

gotta replace stuff UNDER the porch.

suddenly there's talk of cutting the porch.
huh?

oh no.

did i say empowered?
that went down the drain.
so to speak.

well....we can bust thru here.......or bust thru the house here.....

oh lord.

and you know.....where that wall is rotting?
it's cause of this right here.

you're gonna have to replace the porch roof.

flop.

that's me passed out on the lawn.

empowered?

that changed to freaked out.

but it's changed again....and again.....and again.....

freaked out went to stressed but focused.

stressed but focused went to less stressed.

less stressed went to 'ya know, this is gonna be good.'

this is gonna be good went to pushing the cart around
lowes yet again, picking out the lumber like a champ....
loading it up in the rain.....and laughing.

and this morning i've been thinking about how it's my last hurrah
with my fellas. they'll be moving out this summer,
and our dynamics with this stuff will change.
and i thought of the last ten years or so and all we've accomplished
together....the list is long and impressive.....and full of cherished memories.

and here we are again......tacklin one heck of a mess.....
and i can't believe it.....
but i'm totally grateful for this chance to tackle it with them.

and when it's over, i think they're ready to leave.

there's no way on earth i'm not gonna cherish this next week of
digging, and cutting, and hammering, and workin' with my boys.

and i'm gonna learn all i can so i won't feel so vulnerable when they're gone.

what a crazy mess.
and something my boys have taught me....
just take it one step at a time, figure it out as you go along,
and take care of what you need to......and whatever you do -
don't forget to mix in the teasing and the laughter......

pass me the roofin' nails please.......