a cool thought

the word 'integration' came up yesterday in a big way for me.

a friend sent me a note with a thought about that very thing.
with some help for me in trying to connect the dots of things that
have been going on with me, and seeing it more as a connecting to
the whole than all these little separate things i was feeling.

i immediately thought of the butterfly i dreamed about a few days
ago (see butterfly post below).......and how that symbol was
completely about integration.

between the two i had my insides and my outsides covered.
seeing it all as working together.

well, i tell ya, when you're ready to hear, you're ready to hear.

i worked a long day yesterday. i was alone packing orders.
the perfect combination to do some real thinking. and i just kinda held
the integration thought.

i thought of all the ups and downs i had been feeling.
all the loss, all the growth, all the confusion......
the whole big ol' mix.

and i felt like i could see what my friend was talking about.
i felt like i could see how it all works together and how it all
furthers me along my path. and i truly felt okay about it all.
which totally amazed me as i hadn't before.
at all.

here's a key thing that was in her note -
'it furthers you along your path to authentic joy.'

authentic joy.

that's an interesting phrase.

in my head lately, i've been thinking all this stuff is taking me to a place
where i can get to a deeper level of accepting life for what it is.
really really accepting it. to a place where i didn't struggle with it
nearly as much as i do now. a place where i knew it was okay.

i was thinking it was about heading to a deeper acceptance.

and i'm wondering........are they the same thing?
a deep(er) acceptance perhaps is an authentic joy.

and this thought has me grinnin' away today.

maybe it is.
and isn't that just a cool thought?