it was one of those moments.
one of those gorgeous, glorious, life is good moments.
the lighting was just right, the temperature perfect,
the guys were out, i was here alone and loving it.
picking up the phone to call a store that had left a message
that they wanted to place a 'substantial order,' i looked out
the windows and just stopped.
everything felt good. and i could feel the magic floating around me.
it'd been a long time since i felt that.
and i was gonna just hold it for a minute.
the day went on and it was a great one.
music playing inspiring several spontaneous fits of dancing.
i was queen of the world.
there was another phone call.
and the mood changed.
i was curled in my chair listening to the story on the other end
watching one hand expressing the stress i was feeling by twisting
a paperclip apart and bending it over and over into contorted shapes.
i noticed this.
and so when asked how i was feeling about what i was hearing, i answered
'well, i'm destroying a paperclip as i listen, so i think a bit stressed.'
and we talked about it for a bit. which helped some.
but there really wasn't all that much it could do.
i hung up, made faces at the empty space in the room,
and groaned and generally made disgruntled noises.
this morning i thought of both of those moments.
i really liked the queen of the world feeling.
i really liked that one.
so i'm goin' with that one again today.
the other one......i was thinking about last nite.
and i was thinking i could use that stuff to grow.
and i didn't feel all 'ugh' about it.
i knew i could.
i knew the fear was old stuff and i didn't have to hang on to it as tight
as i did. and i knew i could find a way to figure that out.
but here's the kicker - i don't care enough about it to let it ruin the other mood.
and! that in itself is huge growth!
it's time for some good feelings.
and baby, i'm gonna grab 'em and enjoy 'em over here!