Monday, June 18, 2012

i think maybe i've got it!

it's only taken me....ohhh...i don't know......fifteen...twenty years maybe
to understand this thought.....but i think i got it! quite by accident, of course.

i haven't read this in ages, so i'm probably creamin' it a bit...
but in the conversations with god book, 'god' talks about needing relationships
to experience who we are.

i think there's a good bit for me to go back and look at, but that's the part
i remember.

when i read that i kinda got it....maybe....kinda.......not really.......sorta.
i felt like i could understand it, but in a very wobbly sorta way which meant
i really didn't.

but this weekend, as i was pondering something else, i got led into an understanding
of this whole 'experiencing you' thought.

i thought of my coffee breaks with my girlfriends.
there are several moments when talking from the heart, i could see what was inside of me.

it's like all this work i do, all the thinking, all the trying, all the figuring out my
beliefs....i get lost in all that and i don't see where it's brought me or who i've
become until i have moments like that.

moments where i kinda just lose the rules, don't think about making a point,
and just speak from my heart.

i know those moments cause when they happen, everyone seems to know them.
you can tell by the look on the faces around you. and then you can stop and say
hey, look at that.....that's inside of me. that's part of who i am.

you experience who you are.
thru your relationships.

this morning i thought of the weekend.
there were some amazing moments to it all.

funny how many times tables are involved......
now, not only is there my kitchen table, but there's his dining room table,
and of course, the tables at panera where we always seem to land.

and this weekend, there were moments around all of them that were filled with
love and family.....

and up til a few days ago, that's how i woulda just described it.
but this morning i'm thinking they were also filled with moments of me experiencing
who i was.

i still get the 'what the heck is it all about' moments fly thru me with that certain panic
those moments bring. those still fly thru routinely.

and i guess i'll never really have an answer for that....
but i have pieces here and there i hold that feel like they must be part of the answer.
and this........this experiencing who we are thru our relationships.....
this feels like one of the pieces.

and it tickles me a lot this morning......
so i thought i'd share.

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