i had been toyin' around with the thought i blogged about yesterday all day.
(see post below) it was a good day to toy with it as i was doing
the kinda work you could ponder while you worked.
i kept thinking about just offering love - no strings attached.
no control mixed in. no control, just offering.
i was NOT thinking about gratitude.
sometimes i will and i'll focus on that.
that wasn't on my mind.......but interestingly enough, it was showing
up pretty strong.
three different times, after an email or a call from my guy, i paused and
thought 'THIS is what i love about this guy.' and i could feel the gratitude
running thru me. at one point he made me laugh like no one else can. and
i could feel myself just rejoicing in him.
i found this happening with my sons as well.
there were points in the day where i totally delighted in them or
just held in my heart their goodness. each one of them hit my heart with
gratitude in some form. and i could feel it thru the laughter or just the
it was the stuff that stopped you and you had to just feel cause it
was all over you.
it was just happening. i wasn't focusing on it.
it was just there all over the place.
and then i got an order.
the largest shop order i've ever gotten from any shop ever.
and it was from one of my favorite shop owners.
we've seen each other thru some hard times together and have always
looked out for each other. we have truly been a team. and there
have been some pretty small orders along the way. and we just kept
pluggin' away. this one took my breath away.
it's been a hard year business-wise.
this was a tremendous boost in spirit.
and if i could have picked anyone to call in that order, it would have been her.
she lives the whole concept of offering and letting it go. of loving for the sake of
love. she reminds me of the things that matter.
i sat back and wondered about the day.
was it all just random?
or did it all relate?
all my friends would say of course it related.
i would have agreed in a heartbeat years ago.
i've been a bit worn down tho, and i'm not as quick to nod now.
i've noticed that.
but maybe that's a good thing.
cause maybe it means more to me if it's not just a quick nod.
if it's a sitting back and wondering thing.
i don't think it's random.
i think it does relate.
altho i think it's changed inside of me a bit.
maybe the angle has shifted a tad.
it's not a reward for living right.
somewhere along the line i twisted a lotta stuff into that.
then i freaked out when i realized what i had done,
threw everything down in a panic
and refused to pick beliefs up again as i was afraid i'd do the same
twisting thing all over again.
i've been slow to pick things back up again...
i've been watching and wondering.
i think there's a place to stand inside yourself.
it's a place of love.
it's a place of release and trust.
and i think when we stand there, we are standing in 'a flow.'
and i use 'a flow' because that's what it feels like.
i'm not fighting the current anymore. i'm not fighting anything anymore.
and the not fighting has a magnificence all of its own.
other than that......i don't know what i think.
but i have noticed that when i do that, i feel different and my days feel different.
and the difference is something that feels way right.
the difference has the magnificence mixed right into it.
and it's hard not to feel good when you've got magnificence floating all around you.
funny thing about this thought....i'm guessin' it's there always.
i think it's probably there always.....
and that in itself is enough to knock me sideways.