the stinkin' process...

i don't know when or where i picked up the phrase 'trust the process'
but it's one that once i picked up, i have never put down.

and i am forever reminding people struggling to do just that.
trust the process.
but i'm not sure how much i've really thought about just exactly
what that means.

this morning as i made my bed and thought about a completely and
totally frustrating encounter i had, i had to smile. truly, it was almost
comical it was soooooo frustrating.

and somewhere in there i saw that it was all part of the process.
i really saw it.
and i was completely okay with that.

what it did for me was give me the understanding that this 'frustrating
moment from hell' was not the thing to concentrate on. that there
indeed were a few glimmers of good stuff that came out of it that will
be good down the road, that it was just a natural occurrence in a
long road of occurrences, and that it didn't define a darn thing.

and i think that 'defining' part is big for me.

can't tell you how often i've reacted to something that feels
negative as 'this is it! this is how it is. this is how it will always be.
and i don't want this.'

that reaction creates a lot of fear.

there's some song that i have heard a million times where the guy
sings something about moving in tune with what he fears.
for the longest time i thought he said 'hears' instead of 'fears.'
when i finally heard the word fears, my head swung around in
the direction of the music. almost like the guy would be standing there......
my eyes got big, i looked at the spot where the singer should be
standing and i thought 'FEARS! ohmygosh........he moves with the fears!
THE FEARS! that's me!' and then i settled down and tried to
listen to the song closer cause that changed everything.

and yeah......fear changes everything.

i think that's the whole point with trusting the process.
if you trust it, you are NOT moving to the fears.
you are trusting and watching and living your way thru things.

i guess that's all obvious stuff.
of course that's what 'trust the process' means, terri.

so how come it's taken me ten years to just really hold it, feel it,
live it for the moment, and really see how awesome it is?
ahhhhh..........maybe because understanding is also a process........
and the understanding will get deeper and deeper as the process continues.

kinda cool.