an early morning wander

so i felt it this morning.

fear.

it was so there with me.

it was obvious.
didn't take a lot to figure it out.

wow. yeah. there it is. big time.

fear.

okay.
okay.

so i got fear.

now what?

well......nothin', i guess.

just allow it.
and keep goin'.

and so i did.

then i got to thinking about trust.
about my journey.

about how i wanted to work with it and flow with it
and believe in it.

the whole concept of trusting the ride.
knowing there's so much ahead,
no matter what the circumstances.
each moment is mine to live.

can you hold that?
can you know that?

kinda.
i can try.
sorta.

i looked at the painting on my wall - 'trust, release, find the laughter -'

okay.
yeah.
that's good.

could still feel the fear.
that hadn't gone away.
but other things were there now.

a sense of knowing i could do something other than tremble.

went looking for a quote that would talk to me.

found this one -


TOTAL ACCEPTANCE

"It costs so much to be a full human being,
that there are very few who have the enlightenment or courage
to pay the price. One has to abandon altogether the search for security
and reach out to the risk of living with both arms. One has to embrace
the world like a lover. One has to accept pain as a condition of existence.
One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing.
One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to total acceptance
of every consequence of living and dying."

- from The Shoes of the Fisherman


and then, as i was sitting with this one,
a one liner popped into my head.

i grinned a silly grin.

of all things.

but yeah.......
it was perfect.......

'count your blessings.'

yeah.
perfect.

i'll be counting all day.