Thursday, October 4, 2012

it's the space not the problem...

while i cried a lot and the whole thing felt like it sucked,
it really didn't.
there was some incredible stuff in there.

like how i caught what was going on inside of me so much quicker than usual.
that just tickles me.

the unsettled feeling....i figured out what was up. i knew what was goin' on.
and knew we'd have to talk about it. but when??? it didn't seem like the time.
let it go for now, ter.

i tried.
but it leaked out.

and how he caught something was up with me by the snide comment i made.

since i don't usually make snide comments, he noticed.
and he didn't just blow it off.
he pointed it out. mentioning 'trust' right off.......when truly,
no one else woulda put 'trust' and the snide popsicle comment together.
but that's him - he can make a wicked catch like no no one else can.

and instead of arguing the point or denying it,
i came right back with a genuine 'there IS something bothering me.'
it was genuine. it was real. there was no snide anywhere.

i had noticed the snide popsicle comment too. and instead of being all snarky,
i wanted to be honest. i knew it was gonna have to be now that we talked.

there's a cool choice, huh? let's be honest instead of snarky!
gotta remember that one.

so i told him.

he hugged me.
told me it'd be okay.

i wanted to make the nite okay, so i tried to believe him.
i nodded.
did the stiff upper lip thing.

then promptly buried my face in my hands and cried.

he looked down at me with a bit of a confused look
and said 'okay...and you're falling apart....'

it truly was a priceless moment.
i wonder what it's like to be him sometimes.
looking down at this woman who is nodding one moment then
bursting into tears the next.

so we curled in and talked.
and i totally soaked his shirt with tears.

i blame him for saying 'just let it out'.......

later, he commented in surprise how wet his shirt really was.
i laughed.

seriously, don't ever say 'just let it out' to me, ya know?

we talked.
and we were honest and we didn't figure anything out.
we saved that for later.
all i needed was his understanding.

all he needed was my trust.

we'd figure it out later.

and when i had quieted down i saw what we did.
we had made this great space for each other.

it really wasn't the problem that mattered.
it was the space.

i've been thinking about that space.........creating that for ourselves
with people we care about.

that's probably one of the most important things we can do, isn't it?

makes me like the phrase 'sacred space' all the more.......
it really is a sacred space.

i want to keep that in mind.
it's not so much the problem.
it's the space between us......

if we can keep that open and keep us close inside it,
then we can handle the problems.

ahhhhhhhh to really keep that in mind
and to really honor that.

one more task that's so worth working on....

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