a mindful day

i was determined to get on the other side of it.
i wanted to step out of the vague ick that wouldn't seem to leave.

and no, i didn't want to take the early walk.
it was cold, dark, and i just wanted to snuggle under the covers.

walk.
get out there and walk.
i remembered the determination.
oh yeah.
and so i walked.

and of course, it felt great.
there was no other place i would rather be.

but nah, i didn't want to get on the treadmill after that.

do it.
get on there and get moving.
and i remembered the determination.
oh yeah.
and so i got on there and got moving.

and of course, it felt great.
and i couldn't believe i had to convince myself to get moving on it.
it was where i needed to be and it felt wonderful.

i did all the little things that tell myself that i'm taking good
care of me. had the healthy drinks, the healthy food, the vitamins.
all that stuff. i did it mindfully. purposefully.

i was making a statement to myself.

i am going to do what i need to to move away from that darn vague
ick that's been plaguing me.

and i talked to myself all day about being aware.
i watched my mood.
it kept lifting.
the more i paid attention and was attentive to taking care of what i needed to do,
the better i felt.
i talked to myself and tried to prepare for things to turn whatever way they did.
wasn't sure what the day was going to hold with some difficult stuff.
and i wanted to be aware of my choices in how i handled it all.

i didn't want to act according to my reactions i had if something turned hard.
i wanted to think things thru and be clear headed.
and i wanted to remember who i was and act from that spot.
i tuned into my heart a lot and did little check ins.
i wanted to be present in my heart and head as much as i could.

all of it musta mushed together just right.
the awareness, the taking steps into the healthy choices,
the watching, listening to myself, the trying to stay connected to my heart.

it was one big ol' swoop of saying 'this is it. this is my day. and i'm gonna do my best
to make it all i can.'

and it was the best day i've had all month.
i felt good. strong. light.

and then i got way tired.
just way way tired.

and i smiled.

i wore myself out taking care of myself all day.

i so so so smiled.
how cool is that?!

i think it means i need to practice more and build up my
taking care of myself muscles.

gonna work on that.....