christmas eve

i cried.

hard.

i laughed.

hard.

i looked at my sons and filled with gratitude.

i held his hand and filled with love.

i was so empty and weary i forgot what love felt like.

i was so full and grateful, i forgot what frustration felt like.

my inner child hid.
i went and held her hand.

i listened to the wind blow forever
and finally went and sat in it.
i remembered i was a child of the universe.

i went to look at the fairy houses that stirred my soul last year.
they changed them.
the moss and magic were gone.

i looked at the majesty of the buildings and wondered about
the ego and power inside them.
and found the magic again as i watched the sun setting over the city.

i sat in the darkness.
i lit the candles.

i sang along to the christmas music.
i whispered prayers to the sky.

i put a star gently on a friend.

i sat on my couch soaking up the living room.

and i knew i was ready for christmas.

welcome hope.
welcome light.
welcome christmas.
welcome life.