gently paddling

we stood outside under a beautiful gray sky talking.
i kept glancing at the sky.
so grateful to be under it.

she was worried about something and so i started talking about 'the flow.'
trying to remind her to just release and go with it.

it'd been a long time since i could talk of such a thing.
really talk about it - and believe it.

i mentioned that as i began.
told her the nutshell went like this -

i was sure of a flow, worked with it, was in it,
then gradually i turned it all into some kinda weird thing that resembled
some kinda religion i didn't want in my life.
freaked myself out when i realized this,
threw it all down,
then was afraid to pick anything back up,
even tho i knew darn well there was indeed a flow.

read something recently that just brilliantly and simply explained the flow of life.

likened it to a river.
was obvious and not at all original....

and yet......it hit me perfectly.

perfectly.

and somewhere way down inside of me i breathed a long deep sigh of relief.
and hoped i would find that spot that i could be in and believe again.

later that nite, i ran into the darn copyright stuff again.
people using my copyrighted work.

this time tho, i was way calmer.

i wrote the new person a nice note.
she wrote back and apologized.
didn't realize.
and would take it down.

of course.
that's how it usually goes.
people are nice. just don't realize.

but not always.

then there was the other person.
the old person.
the person i've already dealt with.

i didn't even deal with this person directly this time.
this was her THIRD time selling the quote after having the item
removed from her etsy shop by the etsy legal team.

'you're kidding,' i thought as i saw it.
i did the stuff i needed to do and stayed calm.

then i went to take a shower.
and i thought of this woman.
how she was so snotty when i contacted her the first time.
and how she continued to put things up she knew were illegal.
and how she'd get them removed and then put them up again.

and this time, instead of making me crazy,
i got sad for her.
i really just felt so sad.

what on earth do you have to go thru to make you like this?
what would make you this miserable?

i thought of the energy that must run thru her.
i thought of her illegally selling it on her own website,
not just etsy.
and how that actually brought a beautiful soul into my life.
who knew goodness would come out of it?
and i smiled.
she had given me a gift by being such a skunk.

kinda crazy.

(and yes, for those who will get crazy for me and want to protect
me and my rights......i'm doing all the stuff i need to do. and will continue
to do so. it's not right people steal the work, and i'll do what i have to
to stop it.)

but that's not the point.

the point is........i now understand that's part of my business and i'll
take care of it. and i think because i know that now, i'm calmer.

and in being calmer, i'm looking at this woman who really is doing
something truly rotten....and i've got enough space to wonder what
on earth is motivating her.

and what on earth hurt her so much that she feels she needs to do this.

and how ironic that she's probably the perfect person to read the bone sighs.
she probably needs them. she probably has wounds that would like to
feel the bone sighs wash over them.

how strange it all is.

and as i stepped out of the shower, i thought - 'i'll light a candle for her.
and i'll send her some good energy. i think she needs it.'

and then i smiled.........and i thought......why, ms. ter, i do believe you're
stepping right back into that flow you've been talking about.

i decided to light two candles. one for me and one for her.
and put them next to each other.
offering each other light.

yeah, i'll still try to protect the bone sighs, and do what's right.
but i think i'll be sending a little light out when i do that.

and finally, finally i found some sort of place i want to be with all of this.

and yeah, i'm thinking there is a flow....
and i'm gently paddling my way back into it.