Tuesday, March 26, 2013

the whole darn stinkin' ride

i told her how much just hearin' her voice helped.

and she said 'well, i think just talkin' to someone we know loves us,
is what we need sometimes.'

and i agreed with her and said 'but there's more...'

and i told her how it was about knowing i was understood.
how i didn't have to explain anything, and if i said something off the wall,
she knew what i meant and answered with a calm and knowing 'uh huh.'
it wasn't work to talk about things, it wasn't an effort on her part to
understand me, and i was safe.

i didn't even tell her half of what was goin' on with me.
cause i didn't need to.
i just needed to hear her voice.

and i remembered things that i couldn't hold earlier.
i reached out and held them.
and floated closer to the ground with each reach,
and with each holding.

i could feel myself coming back down to earth.
i was getting grounded once again.

it'd been days since i felt grounded.
and i finally figured out what was goin' on with
my inner child inside me.

i'd love to say it was just talking to her.
but i know it was more than that.....

i had been leaking tears all day.
and trying to let that be okay.
i knew little terri was running amok inside me,
and i was honest about it and just watched.
i knew what part of a project i could start to focus my energy,
and knew what part i couldn't jump into yet with the lack of energy.
i rested, and i tried to just let it be.
and none of it felt good.
but i think it all brought me to where i could even think of calling her.....
and where i could land home again.

it's a process.
and sometimes it just doesn't feel good.
and sometimes it does.

and i'm in for the whole darn ride.
even when it knocks me flat.


barb said...

Hi Terri,
You know that friendship can have those moments when we transfer our loads; the weak become strong and vice versa.
And it is all good.
No one should be "Superman" or "Wonder woman" every time.

I toallt understand for the inner child, too.
Be kind to her :)

terri st. cloud said...

thanks, barb.....

Zenchick said...

just catching up after being away....this describes EXACTLY how I felt about Amy. it's so hard for me to put it into words so anyone understands. I so get what you are saying, and it's soooo precious!
thank you.