the whole darn stinkin' ride

i told her how much just hearin' her voice helped.

and she said 'well, i think just talkin' to someone we know loves us,
is what we need sometimes.'

and i agreed with her and said 'but there's more...'

and i told her how it was about knowing i was understood.
how i didn't have to explain anything, and if i said something off the wall,
she knew what i meant and answered with a calm and knowing 'uh huh.'
it wasn't work to talk about things, it wasn't an effort on her part to
understand me, and i was safe.

i didn't even tell her half of what was goin' on with me.
cause i didn't need to.
i just needed to hear her voice.


and i remembered things that i couldn't hold earlier.
i reached out and held them.
and floated closer to the ground with each reach,
and with each holding.

i could feel myself coming back down to earth.
i was getting grounded once again.

it'd been days since i felt grounded.
and i finally figured out what was goin' on with
my inner child inside me.

i'd love to say it was just talking to her.
but i know it was more than that.....

i had been leaking tears all day.
and trying to let that be okay.
i knew little terri was running amok inside me,
and i was honest about it and just watched.
i knew what part of a project i could start to focus my energy,
and knew what part i couldn't jump into yet with the lack of energy.
i rested, and i tried to just let it be.
and none of it felt good.
but i think it all brought me to where i could even think of calling her.....
and where i could land home again.

it's a process.
and sometimes it just doesn't feel good.
and sometimes it does.

and i'm in for the whole darn ride.
even when it knocks me flat.