i don't even know where to start...
except to say i'm sitting here crying with gratitude......
i musta checked in on sue's fb page about 20,000 times yesterday.
i'd go to her page, her mom's page, her brother's page....
no news anywhere.
when it hit about 7:00 i got to thinking the news had to be bad.
if it was good, they'd be shouting it out, wouldn't they?
funny thing tho, i would only kinda stand off in a distance from that thought.
i'd look at it, figure it's prolly the case, but i wouldn't pick it up.
i noticed that.
i had moped plenty. cried some. worried a ton. but i wouldn't pick
up what i figured was the final verdict.
i wonder if we're just hardwired to hope.
i was beat. i had mowed the lawn, done yet more gardening, worked,
paced around my house quite a bit, and been agitated all day.
i fell right alseep.
but then woke up just a little later.
i now have one of those smarty pants phones.
first time i ever had one.
i'm a clunk on it.
BUT! i can check mail and fb!
i grabbed it.
went right to sue.....and there it was -
HER GOOD NEWS!
HER GOOD NEWS!!!
and then a note from josh making sure i saw the good news!!!
guys! SHE GOT GOOD NEWS!
this was her last ditch effort ever.
this was one of those clinical trials - one with not much hope, but it's something. ya know?
this was a complete walk thru hell wondering the whole time if it's worth the walk.
and there it is........the news that it was worth it!
she had two tumors - one is no longer visible and the other is significantly reduced.
i can't say it without crying.
i had grabbed my laptop by this time, and dropped a few notes.
sitting on my bed, typing madly, announcing her news, writing to her and her mom,
when i closed the laptop and turned the light back off, i curled down deep in my covers.
it was dark. it was so quiet. i was all alone.
and it felt right to be all alone.
it felt too big to hold without being all alone.
i just needed to be by myself in the dark.
i lay there and felt the gratitude.
it was so strong and so deep.
it's been a long time since i've seen life throw something major good in a really hard
situation. the little goods are there all the time - but seeing a major good was just
overwhelming and i was just so grateful.
i can't thank everyone enough who sent sue good energy and all that you sent -
i just can't thank you enough.