HER GOOD NEWS!

i don't even know where to start...
except to say i'm sitting here crying with gratitude......

i musta checked in on sue's fb page about 20,000 times yesterday.
i'd go to her page, her mom's page, her brother's page....
no news anywhere.

all day.
all evening.

when it hit about 7:00 i got to thinking the news had to be bad.
if it was good, they'd be shouting it out, wouldn't they?

funny thing tho, i would only kinda stand off in a distance from that thought.
i'd look at it, figure it's prolly the case, but i wouldn't pick it up.

i noticed that.

i had moped plenty. cried some. worried a ton. but i wouldn't pick
up what i figured was the final verdict.

i wonder if we're just hardwired to hope.

i was beat. i had mowed the lawn, done yet more gardening, worked,
paced around my house quite a bit, and been agitated all day.

i fell right alseep.
but then woke up just a little later.

i now have one of those smarty pants phones.
first time i ever had one.
i'm a clunk on it.
BUT! i can check mail and fb!

i grabbed it.
went right to sue.....and there it was -
HER GOOD NEWS!

HER GOOD NEWS!!!

and then a note from josh making sure i saw the good news!!!

guys! SHE GOT GOOD NEWS!

this was her last ditch effort ever.
this was one of those clinical trials - one with not much hope, but it's something. ya know?
this was a complete walk thru hell wondering the whole time if it's worth the walk.

and there it is........the news that it was worth it!

she had two tumors - one is no longer visible and the other is significantly reduced.

i can't say it without crying.

i had grabbed my laptop by this time, and dropped a few notes.
sitting on my bed, typing madly, announcing her news, writing to her and her mom,
and crying.

when i closed the laptop and turned the light back off, i curled down deep in my covers.
it was dark. it was so quiet. i was all alone.

and it felt right to be all alone.
it felt too big to hold without being all alone.
i just needed to be by myself in the dark.

i lay there and felt the gratitude.
it was so strong and so deep.
it's been a long time since i've seen life throw something major good in a really hard
situation. the little goods are there all the time - but seeing a major good was just
overwhelming and i was just so grateful.

i can't thank everyone enough who sent sue good energy and all that you sent -
i just can't thank you enough.