hmmmm....

something foreign and absolutely wonderful happened to me.
and i'm so hoping this foreign thing becomes part of me!

a little back story first -

i've been so busy tryin' to start a business, and then run a business,
for awhile there i still had to homeschool my sons,
bein a mom and havin' a relationship, that house stuff was pretty much last on
the list of things to take care of.
gardens just had to be last of the last.

i've got a great yard. lotsa space.
and lotsa over-run gardens.

between getting the time, and then trying to avoid the darn poison ivy
that's everywhere, they get overgrown and mostly stay that way.

this year, as therapy, i've decided to work on my house.
gardens included.

and then, any time the guys go out and look at houses (they're trying to find their
own home) - to avoid getting mopey, i've decided to get up and do
something around the house - some home improvement - while they're
out looking.

the other nite i worked on my bathroom.
actually caulked stuff all by myself and did some touch-up painting.

then i painted my shed doors.

and every day i do a little bit of gardening.

there's so much i'll never get done.

and this is where the foreign thing comes in -

normally, the fact that there truly is more than i can do would totally
overwhelm me. i would work really really hard, never get as far as i want,
and feel like i'm just under water with it all, knowing it would never get done.
i'd be discouraged.

that's not happening now.
i go out and garden and yank tons of ivy out and trim and weed
and think 'ANYTHING is an improvement!'
and i feel GOOD about that!

i haven't once said 'ohmygosh, i'll never finish.'

i think i know i just won't.
so it's not even a goal.

therapy is the goal.
being outside.
talking to the plants.
talkin' to myself.
not moping.
making my home my own.
those are all my goals.

never in there is 'to finish.'
that's not even on the table.

and my gosh.......i am loving it.
i don't feel overwhelmed.
each day i feel like i did great because i made some kinda progress.
and any progress feels amazing.
and i feel like i'm making my home my own.

i'm just happy getting out there.
i don't see all the stuff that needs improvements like i always have before.
i don't go outside and see all the things i need to do like i used to.

it used to be i couldn't step outside without seeing something that needed
taking care of.

now i know it all needs taking care of.
so i don't even look.

i see plants that look happy.
i see a green that is so buzzin' with life you can totally feel it.
i feel like the yard is singing to me.
i walk around and love the place.

and i don't care what's right and what's not right.
i'm just happy.
and just so grateful it's mine.

wow.
go figure.

maybe by just changing the goal i can totally change my moods.......
gotta think about this!