angles and crowns

there really is  a point to this story.
i'm not just tellin' an 'i went to the dentist' story!
i promise!

i hadn't been in years.
i used to go faithfully every six months.
then i lost insurance when i got divorced.
i paid outta pocket for a cleaning every year for a couple years.
but at some point money got tight, i skipped a few years,
and the next thing i knew the dentist didn't have the xrays anymore
and it'd cost way too much for me to get back into the groove with them.

so i stopped.
and tried real hard to keep my teeth in good shape.

things moved on, i got a new insurance rep, he found me cheap dental insurance,
i hurt a tooth and i was pretty sure it was time to try out the insurance and a new dentist.

so when i made the appointment, i was pretty nervous. i figured i had some
dental work comin' my way. and all the worst case scenarios ran thru my head.

and yes...turns out i didn't just hurt that tooth, i broke it.
and yes, there's a crown involved. and a few other things of course....

sigh.
sigh.
sigh.

but here's the thing......i was envisioning a root canal!
i don't even know what that really is, but i can tell ya i don't want one.
so while i hated the word 'crown' i was so relieved it wasn't a root canal.

i am not kidding.
that whole phrase freaks me out.

and while the bill is high, the insurance is gonna help. it's gonna help!
i wouldn't have had any help last year! and i get help this year!

and they've got some payment thing set up for me to work with me to make
paying easier.

so driving home i just felt so good.

how can you feel this good, terri??? i asked myself.

i knew all the downsides. i knew the expense.
i knew the fee that's like a kick in the face.
i knew all that.
any other fee like this woulda sent me over the edge.

but i felt like it'd work out.
i felt like i'd handle it.

THAT'S why i'm writing this story out.
it is completely a head trip.
it is completely an attitude thing.

and no, i don't get any credit for having a good attitude.
it just happened. i didn't try to make it happen.
but i really do have a good attitude.

i feel so good about doing what i need to do to take care of myself.
and i feel so good about workin' it out so i can actually pull it off.
and i feel so relieved that it's not any worse than it is.

and i'm looking at this thinking.......okay, ter........you need to look at a lotta other
things in your life like this. cause this is really much more fun this way.

it's completely completely a head game.
and yes, i gotta stop and ask 'isn't everything???'

yes! yes! yes! i do believe it is!

and i somehow feel really inspired about this.
and wanna play some awesome good head games with myself where the attitude
isn't quite as good.

i'm not sure i can just make that happen......i know that.
i've tried before. i know how hard it can be...
but still.......i feel really inspired........

it's all in the angle, isn't it?
it's all in the belief of doin' what i'm doin' cause it's a good thing,
and knowing i'll be able to pull it off.

not such an easy angle to get sometimes.
and yet.........something i totally want to shoot for.......