appreciating josh

i read a friend's blog where she mentioned josh.
leaving a comment there got me thinking about him.
and i really really appreciated him and who he was.

i usually see him at lunch time as he's breezing thru from
one thing to another. sometimes it's only 20 minutes, just long
enough for him to grab some food and rapidly catch up.
he truly is one of the busiest guys i know - shooting off in
a thousand different directions.

i wasn't sure if i'd see him or not yesterday as he had a nursing home gig
down near where he works and he wasn't sure if he'd back track over
here for lunch.

he wanted to, he said.
and i smiled.
i think maybe to check on me.
we didn't see each other in person on father's day,
and he knows i get a little sad on that day,
so i'm thinking he wanted to just check in.
cause that's what kinda heart he's got.
'go do your thing.' i told him.

he called later, he wouldn't be able to make it.
he ended up sitting with one of the residents at the nursing home
and having lunch with her.

i just leaned back and closed my eyes as i listened to him.
he had no idea i was really taken with his heart already.
he was just filling me in...not knowing i was soaking him in.

he said she had asked him other times 'will you sit with us for lunch?'
and he said he always had to get goin' on to other things.
when he got there today - he does a musical dj hour for them a few times a month -
she wasn't there.
and apparently, she's always there early.
he didn't see her and worried.
he started in on the show, but wondered if she was okay.
half way thru the gig, she showed up.

he told me this over the phone and when he said 'i was really worried something
bad happened to her.' i just loved him so much.

so, this time, he grabbed the opportunity to sit with her during her lunch.
he didn't eat, he just hung out and talked with her.

when he called me, he was headin' into the grocery store to grab something to eat.

he has a lot of pressure on him.
he runs his own business, owns his own home, and bills can be tight.
he really works hard to pull it all off. i know the deal. and you know when
you're not working. it's never lost on you that you're not doin' something
you need to be doing for the business. you're never just 'off' taking a break.
you're always aware of that.

he said on the phone 'i didn't get a lot done, but i know that's okay. this was important.'

kinda like he was reassuring himself.

'you got a lot done' i told him.
and i thought of how beautiful he is and he doesn't even know it.

how he knows what's important and he stops and makes space for that whenever he can.
and yes, i've seen him do that at the expense of his finances. and how he lets people
know they matter and they count.

when i commented in mary's blog, i said something about him having this wide open heart,
it's really interesting for me to watch as there's many sides to that heart of his.
and not all of them are wide open.  and yet, i think the one that's the most natural for him,
is the wide open side.

the world can just kick up those barriers tho....we've all got 'em.
but then, in a heartbeat, i see him drop them and let people in and care about them
and show them they matter.

i could just see him sitting there asking her questions about herself and really listening.

one of the residents there gave josh some of his old vinyl records. josh used them for
the first time in the gig he did for them yesterday and made sure everyone knew where
they came from. he told me on the phone that he wants to invite this guy to help him
host one of the dj shows with him. apparently the man used to do some dj stuff himself
back in the day.

i can just imagine how that would feel for him.
and while josh knows it's a good idea, he's still young, i'm not sure he knows how good
an idea. i'm not sure he really knows what he's doin' for the world.

and maybe that's really cool just the way it is.

i've been thinking how it's so easy to take our family members for granted.
how we're just used to the way they are. i really sat and looked at josh yesterday.
and the feeling i got ran into today........

he's my inspiration today. he truly is. and i wanted to share that here.