Thursday, June 27, 2013

'the story of'

the idea came up last week to tell the story behind certain bone sighs.
so...when a bone sigh comes up as the quote of the day, if it has a story behind it i want to share,
i should go for it - kinda start a 'story of' thing....i can do it when the mood hits, and it could be fun.
that was the idea, anyway.

so i watched. and with each day, there really didn't seem to be a story to share.
until today's. i slapped my head when i saw this one.

"what is it you want?" he asked. and she stopped. she wasn't used to anyone asking her that. "you." she responded. and they were never the same again.

it's obvious, right? that one's about the moment.....THE moment that bob and i decided to
try out being a couple.

we have an absolutely great story of how we met and became best friends.

i had split from my husband, had to wait according to state laws for a divorce, had gone thru
all the tons of counseling, and had started bone sigh arts. there wasn't one part of me that was
looking for a man. i was completely done with them. is that when they show up??? cause they
started showing up. and i'd tell them to go away. i remember telling one guy 'you're a man,
i'm just not interested.' i honestly said that. he thought i was a lesbian. it was just too funny. a
relationship was the last thing i was looking for. i had to figure out how to rebuild my life.

i had left a book of bone sighs at my old counselor's office. back then they were hand made books.
pages sorted by me and stapled together and hand painted covers.- the early day stuff.
i didn't go to counseling anymore. was too busy trying to school my sons, start a business,
and cope with a whole lotta changes.

he had started bringing his sons to counseling. he had just gotten custody, it was a hard hard
time, his sons were reeling. doing everything he could to try to heal them all, he joined in on the
counseling journey. sitting in the lounge, he found my bone sigh book.

the counselor knew us both, and i'm pretty darn sure she figured there was no way ever that
we could be anything but friends as she knew how different we were, so it was safe - she sent
him my way. told him to go out and visit me.

it just so happened that at the same time he emailed me asking to come out to see the art,
a woman i didn't know emailed me the same thing. same day, same request. that never happened.
i mean, it just never happened. which convinced me these two were meant to be.

i was absolutely sure that i was the instrument that was to bring these two together. and i needed to
play. life was struggle after struggle. i so missed just goofin' around. so i jumped in and played.
did group emails between us all. told them what i thought....wanted them to meet. invited them
out at the same time. now, remember, i didn't know either one~! but i let lose and goofed and

he showed up. she was late. i gave him space to look at the art. i shake my head now remembering that.
he's just NOT a bone sigh kinda guy. i didn't know. we talked a bit on his way out. i remember
standing there looking up at him thinking he had way intense eyes.

turns out the woman i invited is always late for everything. and sure enough, as he was pulling out,
she was pulling in. she was quite disappointed. and i told her not to worry, we'd have him out
for a tea party. we'd get them to meet yet! and i laughed just thinking of it.

so for a few weeks until we could work out the time, we group emailed and got to know each
other a tiny bit.

the tea party day arrived, and there was just no spark between them. friendly and fine, but no
spark. he and i however talked quite easily. she even commented to me later that it seemed like
maybe there could be something between him and i.

i laughed, tossed my head back and said 'you've got to be kidding!!' i remember saying to
her 'he doesn't even get the universe deal!' i totally believed in 'the universe' and trusting it and
the flow......and that was not part of his vocabulary.

i thought he was some conservative hunter guy who didn't share any beliefs i did, and was basically from
another planet.

he felt pretty much the same way about me only throw in the words hippie vegetarian instead.

there was no interest on either end.
we couldn't have been more different.

i think she was looking for some family tho. for some friends to hang out with.
and so she'd instigate gatherings.
i think if left alone, he and i would have dropped it all.
but she kept suggesting get togethers.
she, as it turns out, was our angel.
her invites brought us together.
and so we became the three musketeers mixing kids and dogs and laughter.

she needed the friendship, he needed help parenting, and i needed encouragement
and belief that i could make it. we gave each other these things.

and because he and i were so different, i didn't think of him as a threat. i didn't think
of him as a man i needed to avoid. he was just a friend. we could totally be ourselves.

he and i spent hours talking about parenting and kids and divorce, we talked of broken
hearts and he joined in with me on what he called 'my quest' - to try to figure out what
love really was. we'd talk about love and psychology and people and needs and
we'd try to figure life out.

and he'd amaze me with his thoughts.
because we were so different, his thoughts would come from a completely different angle,
and they'd broaden me and stretch me and enlighten me. i never once felt like i had to
be anything to impress him, so i just hung out and would totally be me. a respect grew
between us. we just genuinely liked each other as people and we seemed to help each
other become more.

we became best friends.

and then, of course, the feelings started rolling in.
and that freaked me out.

and so i tried to get rid of him.
i tried to match him up with someone.

i described him so glowingly to one woman she asked me why i wasn't
pursuing him myself!

oh no. i said. oh no. not ready for a man.

and yet........i could feel the feelings inside.
but you know how good we can be at denial.
no. no. no.

there was almost a date with another woman.i had been the force behind that.
but for some reason that fell thru. i could feel the conflict inside of me.

he walked into the room, i could feel myself light up.

i wrestled and wrestled and wrestled. the week i remembering wrestling the most,
i pulled the angel card 'release' THREE times. three times in a week.
and finally, finally i found some peace inside and i released and let him go.

and THAT'S when the moment in the bone sigh appeared.
as SOON as i released and was ready to turn away,
where i REALLY felt okay about letting him go his way and me go mine,
he asked me flat out what it was i wanted.
he apparently had been wrestling too.

and no one.....NO one........had EVER asked me what i wanted before.

no one ever just gave me the space to say what it was i wanted.

and there, in that space, i couldn't do anything but be honest.

and i said 'you.'

it was a powerful moment for both of us.
one that's changed our lives for sure.

the timing for this bone sigh to come up today is perfect. he and i have been down
one heck of a road since that day. we have hurdled some really big things. the biggest
things i've ever had to go thru, i've gone thru with him.

our last two to three weeks have been some of the hardest we've experienced as
a couple. several times i've been unsure if we'd pull thru. and yet, we have. in a loving way
that seems impossible to me.

we are incredibly different on the surface. and yet underneath....well....underneath is
a completely different story. and something that amazes me more than anything? the
level of respect we have for each other has grown deeper over the years. i've experienced
the opposite of that before. which makes me realize what a treasure that is.

and today, if you sat me down and asked me what it was i wanted........
my answer would be the same.......only deeper.

oh...and just a little p.s. - when people ask how we met??? i say he walked into my living room...


Cosyrosie said...

Thank you for sharing your story.. chill bumps.

terri st. cloud said...

thanks for reading it, cosyrosie! (love that name!) i really needed to type that out today. :)

Diane Stefan said...

you and bob were/are so much meant to be. . .thank you for sharing your story with us. . .together you are an awesome team, best friends filled with love, and mutual respect. . .life is good. . .

Pam said...

I am at work - but i just couldnt wait until lunch time to read this....words cannot describe how happy it made me to read this ....the universe gave the both of you an amazing gift - 2 lovely souls find love so deep is truly a gift....thanks for sharing Terri!

terri st. cloud said...

it's so nice to have you guys happy for me like this. thank you!

Dan McGaffin said...

What a great story!

Merry ME said...

I love this story. Amazing, isn't it when we drop the walls and be our authentic selves. Wonder why its so hard to do that all the time. May your hearts be forever open and united.