feelin' the gratitude....

i was filling an order and thinking.
and remembering.

the guys are goin' out on their own.

i did it.

ohmygosh, i did it.

i raised them.

and as i packed, i was almost trembling as i realized this.

we did it.
we became one heck of a team, and we did it.

when we first started out, i used to only get a few hours of sleep a nite.
i remember how sometimes it felt like i had sand under my eyelids cause
they just hurt so much from lack of sleep.
there was so much on my shoulders....
trying to get bone sigh arts started,
trying to homeschool my sons,
and trying to keep their life together as best i could.
i don't even think i knew how much there was.
i was so busy tryin' to make it work.
every single nite we gathered and we talked about what they went thru that day.
in the beginning there were so many emotions to sift thru.
and every nite we gathered and we sifted.
those were some of the hardest moments ever.
trying to be there, witness what they were going thru, guide them the best i could,
and let my heart break open over and over again watching their pain.

i'm thinking i'll be writing about this a lot.
it'll come pouring out in different times.

right now what's got me is that i did it.
that we did it.
it was totally a team effort.

but yeah, i was the leader.

and i knew what i had on me.
and i was determined to make it work.

and it worked.

oh my gosh, it worked.

i think i'm allowing that to sink in right now.
and the gratitude inside me is so immense and deep.

when you set out to do the hardest thing you've ever done in your life,
and then you lean back and you know you did it.....

what a feeling.

and when it's official, and there's no more back and forth,
and it's just quiet and me.....i am going to sit with myself and celebrate.
because that's one heck of a thing to be grateful for.

we are stronger than we know.
and we can make it thru the hard times.
and the hard times change and turn to beautiful times.
and we change too...and maybe it brings out some beauty in us as well.