joy

so....like....um.....i'm happy.

really really happy.
joyful even.

and i'm excited about the holiday season being here.

not everything is perfect.
but a whole lot is.
and i'm focusing on the whole lot.

'i've been lost in my own joy' i said recently.
and i meant it.

and i'm loving it.

i really like this being on my own stuff all the while
being surrounded by people i really love near by.

i smile every nite thinking maybe THIS will be the nite i
decorate for christmas.

yes.
there.
i said it.

cause i don't care about mixing holidays!
cause i like christmas decorations mixed with pumpkins.

cause i just want to celebrate.

i haven't done it yet.
just cause this is also my busiest season,
and i've been scurrying around tryin' to keep up.

but one of these nites, out of the blue, i'll pull out the decorations,
put the music on....and just play.

and sometimes a little pang of guilt will creep up.
can you just believe that???
guilt for being happy???

yep.
so many people struggle this time of year.
heck, i've struggled pretty good myself on multiple years.
i know how hard that is.

but the thing is -
i'm not struggling this year.
and that in itself is a great thing to celebrate!

even the money doesn't have me down.
i don't have the money i'd like to to buy the presents i like to.
but the people i love are okay with that.
and even that feels so good. that the people who love me just love me.
and the celebrating will be full hearted no matter what.
i'm in a much better place than i was last year with that.
and that makes me happy.

i'm just happy.

i have been truly deeply sad during other holiday seasons.
losses that broke my heart, being alone after divorce, life stuff that
weighs so heavy.

but the weights can lift, can't they?
and the feet that could barely stand there for awhile can begin to dance again.

how amazing is that?!

and when that happens - i vote we grab it!

consider it grabbed over here.