the magic vessel

okay,
typing a note to a friend, telling a story,
and realized that i had to tell this story over here.

not really sure i want to, cause it's one of those really really personal ones -
but that's the point, right?
to share the real stuff......

so here we go.

i got this really cool 'vessel' in the mail yesterday from a potter friend.
it's an unusual shape, and while i loved it, i wasn't sure what i would put into it.

my first thought was 'maybe i'll write notes to myself - really kind notes -
and when i need a pick me up, i can pull one out and read it.'

and then i thought - 'maybe i can write notes to my inner child and she can write
notes to me and we can just keep in touch that way.'

so i had these ideas, and no particular plan.

i was walking around my house trying to figure out the best place to put it.
i wanted it to be kinda private as i didn't want it to be something people just
opened the lid and read the notes inside, ya know?

so i walked into my office and put it right on a shelf in there.
as i did so, i wondered what would i write right then if i could write anything
at all in the world? what would i express?

and as it happens, i was really sad about something.
really deeply sad.

i walked over to my desk, grabbed a piece of paper and wrote out -
'i am sooo sad.'

folded it and put it in the vessel.

then i stood there as if it was a magic vessel and thought 'what is it i really want
right now in response to that?'

and instantly i knew - 'a hug.'

i really wanted a hug.

and so i stood there and closed my eyes and imagined giving myself a hug.
at some point i even kinda hugged myself with my arms.

and i swear, it was like this huge weight fell off or a release....or something.

i actually FELT BETTER INSTANTLY.

and the whole reason i put out this whole personal story is because of this point
right here -

no matter who you have in your life around you -
and i'm very fortunate to have some really amazing people close to me,
there are some things inside us that only we ourselves can grasp the depth of,
can feel the sorrow of, and understand the pain.

and those are the times that really you can't go looking for someone else to
soothe you. you truly have to find that inside yourself.

we have to learn to gift ourselves with our own compassion.

no matter who we have around us, no matter how many loving people are in our lives,
no matter if we have no one at all - it doesn't matter -
it is up to us to love our selves in certain moments.
it is up to us to look inward and find what we need.

and somehow that happened to me with my magic vessel.
and i'm hoping that i remember to use it next time i need some extra love.

there is so much inside us.
if only we just opened and accessed it......