what i needed to hear.....

i wasn't sure about goin' for coffee.
but i had already committed.
and so i went.

turns out what i said to her,
was exactly what i needed someone to say to me -
and what was so cool was i was speaking from my heart
and meant every word.

so i could not only hear it, i could feel it -

there's so much darkness.
so much pain.
and it's so hard to hold and just let it be there.
but there's so much goodness mixed in.
and we just cannot forget that.

and i told her how christmas for me was truly the season of hope.
and of the light in the darkness.

i said 'people are good' - and i meant it.

i talked of the treasures we find in the caverns.

i said i didn't want to get swallowed up in the darkness,
but i also didn't want to whirl around just in light unaware of the dark.

and i said sometimes we are the light we're looking for.
and we forget.
and we gotta look inward.

and that the challenge seemed to be to be able to hold it all,
all of it.......
and know that it is 'okay' just the way it is.

and i said i thought i'd have to come back 500 more lifetimes
before i really got the hang of that.......

but i  do think that's our challenge.
and i think that living as presently as we can matters.

and i spent the rest of the day talking to myself about that.......