Tuesday, March 25, 2014

something i'm workin' on......

i've been consciously doin' something that's actually working.

part of me is totally thrilled it's working.
and part of me isn't.

i have been actively working on paying attention,
savoring the moments, appreciating those around me,
and just consciously stepping into happiness.

i've been doin' this full force for about two weeks.

and i've been feeling happier.
it's making a difference.
i can even see the people around me reacting to it.

why wouldn't all of me be thrilled about this?
well, because i think it means more participation in my own life.
more grabbing hold of it instead of just letting it happen.

i don't for one minute think i can control my happiness and stay that
way all the time.

i mean, i guess if i were enlightened or something....but i'm not.

i know i'm gonna hit plenty of down times i can't pull myself out of.
i know that.
i know there's plenty of depressing things to knock me into the mud
and it'll take some time to get out of that. i know that.

but i can see that there's plenty of times where there's a real choice
that i make. where i really can choose to be happier, more present,
just plain more alive.

 and sometimes making the 'living fully' choice is a bit more effort.
 and sometimes the lazy side of me isn't so sure about it all.

so there is a part of me that's draggin' my heels.
while another part of me is dancing and swaying with the music.
it's quite a thing to watch.

it's quite a thing to experience.


Anonymous said...

The whole Idea that it takes work to be happy..
Man I so know that...
and wow, it's cool that your in that space too...
I had such a crap day on monday.
I could feel the tears and the frustration and anger
and just so much YUCK.
and then.. well I really worked at letting it all go. Instead of complaining, I questioned.
instead of venting I tried to find some "happy"
and you are so RIGHT! it's a LOT of work.
It's a choice and it isn't easy..
and I don't know if I could do it all the time.
Pull myself up by the boot straps and all that.
But doesn't it just make you wonder? and feel good, and realize a few things?
I mean wow.. really? I can do this?
said the little engine that could..maybe?

terri st. cloud said...

that's it, ms. mm! it makes me wonder and realize a few things and it makes a good part of me feel like whining and wishin' it was up to someone else! lol! sorry you had such a rough day on monday. those happen regardless of how hard we try, i think. and sometimes it's just too hard to try. those are good days for some self compassion! which i tend to forget a lot! :)

diane in ar said...

choosing happy. . .love it. . .