Friday, April 25, 2014


thinking more about the whole 'seeing' theme.
(see post below)

the part about we need others to see ourselves.
well, that throws me a bit.
i agree with it.
but am having trouble untangling how we use the reaction of others
and yet still hold on to our knowing of who we are.
and our believing in who we are
and our liking of who we are.

so i thought of some people i know.
i care about them and love them.
and yet, they're not very socially gracious and can come off
grating to the rest of the world.

they don't know this.
they can't see the reactions of others.
not sure why. they just don't seem to.
or maybe they do and misinterpret them. or maybe they don't use the feedback they get.
i have no idea.

thing is -
the info they get back isn't used to improve their social graces.
and so they're hard to be around.

as i thought of them, i realized that they didn't have to change
WHO they were. it'd just be nice if they adjusted how they offered themselves.

i liked this idea.
was relieved that they didn't have to change the who. just the how.
that felt reassuring to me.

but then i hit an 'uh oh.'

if you really pinned me to the wall and asked me if i believed that,
i would have to say no.
in all honesty, i'm not real fond of the 'who' of them.

uh oh.

so does that mean they have to change?
if people aren't real fond of them?
or does that mean they just have to accept that who they are isn't
very likable? (assuming my opinion is like most others)
(and knowing this is getting complicated and hoping people know
that i understand there's more to life than being likable and am just
trying to simplify this as best i can)

not liking where this was going, i stayed with it anyway.

and i saw something.

when i really dig into them, i like who they are just fine.
i see such incredible hurt and dysfunction and pain of being human
having carved out much of who they are.

underneath tho, we're the same.
and i could understand their pain.
and i could understand them.
and i could feel the connections.


but they don't offer that to me.
they offer me the top level of their pain in a socially difficult way.

and it's not really all that appealing.

but if they offered me who they really are -
opened up and showed me their real selves -
i couldn't help but love that.

cause somehow when someone offers their own real,
we can feel OUR own real,
and it's like finding our place in the world,
like being home.

it's one of those weird, wonderful mysteries of being human.

this is gettin' kinda interesting..........
this sorta all circles around somehow doesn't it?

so maybe the whole thing is offering our real.
letting others see that.
and seeing ourselves when we do that.
seeing ourselves and knowing that who we are is not only enough,
it's perfect.

and maybe that is one heck of a hard thing to do.
and maybe that is really what our work is.

1 comment:

Sherry said...

I have a friend who I feel this way about so it's interesting to read about it and it makes sense. But I think the catch is (and I know this personally) what to do when you offer your real and it gets rejected. I mean, truthfully, that's where a lot of the rough exteriors come from-being burned while in a state of vulnerability. So the logical conclusion is just to become so secure in one's own self that others' rejections don't affect one's own sense of self worth and security. But we are a communal species so our worth in a lot of ways is determined by others... still working on this riddle