maybe being aware is kinda like an oil leak

i have been swimmin' around in a big ol' puddle of thought for awhile now.
it's filled with 'what matters? what's important? what do you want to do with your life?'
'when it's all over what will you have wanted to live?'

that puddle.

and as i've been swimming, i've decided something -

i've decided that i want to stop lettin' my darn baggage lead me,
that i want to become all i can be, and yet still love all that i am at this
very moment.

it's a great decision, isn't it?

and what an absolute interesting challenge -
to want to become more -
and at the same time love me now.
and of course, to leave my darn baggage out of it.

i don't exactly have a plan here.
but i have the desire.
it's really strong right now.

and i think that just the desire and having it all on my mind is making
a difference in my life.

which really tickles me as i don't have any plan to use besides
just keepin' it on my mind.

i had an 'oil spill' in my house recently.
the furnace man came out for routine maintenance and forgot to tighten something.
uh-oh.
and oil ooooooooooozed around a whole lot more than anyone would want.

yes, it affected a carpet, and some drywall, and maybe a stair step that
might need replacing....

and for some weird reason, i'm gettin' a kick outta the whole thing.
while the furnace company is being wonderful and right there to do anything
i need, i just wanna fool around with it and see what i can do clean up-wise.
i tore out the carpet which needed tearing out ten years ago.
and i smiled thru the whole disgusting mess.
i knocked out a chunk of drywall with great glee.
and i've been workin' various plans on the odors with much enthusiasm.

i'm loving it.

and i keep cocking my head to the side wondering what's wrong with me?
where's the stress?
where's the upset feeling?
where's the negative energy?
and why the heck am i having fun with this?

and i'm thinking this is cause i've been swimming for days in a puddle
of what matters and who do i want to be - it's a big ol' puddle of  'awareness.'

and i'm thinking who i want to be is leaking out.
kinda like that oil leaked on out.

maybe being aware is kinda like an oil leak -
it oozes everywhere, covers everything and you can't miss it when you
walk in the room!

don't know.......just know i'm loving this and 'this' includes an oil spill clean up.
and that makes me laugh, and makes me really hopeful that i'm getting somewhere!