heart centered.

i was pretty intent yesterday.
tryin' hard to focus on being authentic.
and what happened was pretty darn awesome.

i didn't know how i did that exactly, ya know?
never really watched the process of my own being authentic.
i just figured that i'd kinda pay attention to what i said and did.
that kinda thing.

but what happened was i kept going to my heart.
i don't exactly know how to articulate this so it makes sense to people
who work differently. i think the people who work this way will get it,
and i may frustrate those who don't - but i'll do my best here.

i would go and feel my heart.
i mean really feel it.
still myself until i felt it there.

i can't feel it when it's closed.
all i feel are walls then.
there's a scary numbness when i close up.

but when it's open, i can feel something.
and when i feel something, i know i'm on the right track.
so if i was gonna feel, i had to open.
this turned out to be just what i needed.

it was like i would constantly go to that starting point.
what did my heart feel?
not on the top layer.
cause that can get confusing.
but way down underneath.
cause way down underneath is where the love is.
way down underneath is the part that gives you the feeling you know can trust.

i walked around concentrating on my heart so much so that i could feel
it opening more and more as i went along.

recall (see blog below) i didn't start from the best place.
but the more i just quieted myself and felt it and listened,
the easier and easier it was to hear it and follow it.

it was like the more i listened to it, the louder it talked.

i realized i was turning my day into this whole 'heart centered' thang.
and it felt so healing to me.
i had been plagued by fear and self doubt.
and this returning over and over to the starting point of my heart seemed
to just completely change my focus.
there wasn't room for the other stuff.

and i could feel myself just calm down and be.

i'm thinking i need to do this more often.