ed

there was a special reason i had to get to the beach.
i mean, let's face it - it'd been too long.
and i wanted to go because i missed it and i wanted to see it.
but there was something else tugging at me. and i think it was the
final push that got me there.

ed.

we lost ed in the spring.
i blogged about it.

an older gentleman
with quite a story.

really rough family history that included growin' up a large part
of his childhood in an orphan's home even tho his parents were
living and his sister was still at home.

that right there sets a tone of a lot of the stories he had.

he spent a whole lot of his life on the ocean.
joined the merchant marines and spent years and years out there.
even thru multiple wars.

multiple wars.

i can't even imagine.

the ocean meant more to him than i think i will ever understand.
somehow it was home.
and in a way i think it was family too.
not sure how to explain it.
but i know that's where he felt he belonged.

so much so, that he defied his religion at the end,
and asked to be buried at sea.

when he died, he died alone.
way alone.
it broke my heart how he died.
he really didn't have much family.
and there wasn't any kind of service for him.

and i don't know......
i'm not big into services......but i'm big into honoring.
and i couldn't let the honoring go by.

i wanted to just go to the ocean and think of him.
hold him close, think of him out there in that vastness and honor him.

i took some pictures of the ocean. thinking i'll make some art with them for him.
and remembered i had made him his own bone sigh years ago.
i brought it home with me after he died.

i pulled it out when i got home.
i think i will end up making it a card.
just because.

when i read the quote i had written for him, i cried.
i needed to see it.
i have berated myself several times since his death.
wishing i had done more.
but when i found that art piece i had made him,
i knew that i had given him the gift of someone wanting to see,
and someone caring.

i know i could have done more.
but i also know i did something good.

we all deserved to be known.
and remembered.

how many of us are just never seen?
never honored?

it's so hard to pay attention and offer the willingness to look with each other,
but i am convinced it's the best gift we can ever give.
and i am convinced it's something i'll need reminding of over and over again.
and it is something i want to keep trying to do.


'they don't know anything about me,' he said.
and she wanted to know him more.
for he was a hidden treasure -
even from himself...but she saw his glimmer -
and smiled.'