Tuesday, October 28, 2014

walkin' away from the wrestling match......

i have been thinking a lot about showing myself, allowing myself to be seen,
actually being seen, not being seen.......all of that........for about a month now.

i'm not sure how much it matters to hide.
grinnin' here........
people mostly don't see you anyway!

you don't have to hide!

but i guess that's the hard part......when you try to show yourself and you
don't feel seen.

that brings out all those issues deep inside.

so lately i've added this to the mix of thoughts -

people are coming from their own place
and that's what's filtering what they're seeing.
for real.
for real.
for real.
for real.

and i swear, when i look back on every incident this past month
where i felt not seen, i see the other person's stuff mixed all over that.

how on earth do we ever get more than glimpses of each other?!

because you know darn well it works both ways.

what we're seeing is filtered by our own stuff.

today, for this moment, i am convinced more than ever to just be myself
and try my hardest to see with as clear filters as i can muster.
and if who i am isn't workin' for someone else,
today, for this moment, i'm really okay with that.

i need to concentrate on being me,
being as healthy as i can,
and making my actions as healthy as i can.

which isn't hiding.
and it isn't bein' someone i'm not.

i feel like i spent a month wrestling with this
and i'm done right now.
i want to just go be me.


Diane in AR said...

I have experienced similar situations this past month and have also been thinking about how to be me without another's stuff and their filter mixing with my stuff and my filter. . .it can get confusing. . . but, since I am only responsible/in control of MY filter, I'm going to work on that - make my true self seen (or not) and be myself. . .be healthy - thanks for reminding me I am not alone in this often whirlpoolish quandary. . .

terri st. cloud said...

right back at ya, diane! :)

margy said...

Just experienced that also from comments about me from another person - I really don't think I'm the person that the other person described - think it came thru her filter. Trying not letting it influence me, while also trying to clear my filter to see myself clearly and figure out if any of it might be me in any way - wow, that's a convoluted, confusing comment - sorry!

terri st. cloud said...

actually, margy, it made perfect sense! lol! and i know the feeling!! ain't such a good one, is it?! sending you a hug.....