still dancing

i don't even know how to explain this.
but i'm gonna try!

yesterday i was wrestling with something.
it was discouraging because it's something i'd like to be done wrestling with.
but apparently, there's more growing i gotta do.

and so i was workin' on that, and actually doin' okay - well -
doin' okay in the sense that i wasn't beating myself up over it,
or blaming myself all over the place.
i was just tryin' hard to figure it out.

i didn't doubt my heart.
but just cause you don't doubt something,
doesn't mean you're still really seeing it.
ya know?

that's one of the parts i'm not sure how to explain.

i've been in bad places where i doubted my heart.
this wasn't that.
but i've also been in great places where i totally knew and saw my heart.
this wasn't that either.

i'm not sure i even focused on my heart.
i was distracted.
and definitely struggling.

and then brene brown posted a picture of my quote in her book on her facebook page.

in my circle, brene is a huge celebrity.
so this is really big news for me.
it means a lot of exposure and new people checkin' out my work.

in the past when she's done something like this,
THAT was the thrill.
but this time....something different happened.

this time a friend shared the post on my facebook wall.
and then another.
and then another.
and another privately wrote me and asked if i saw the posting.
and another friend wrote and asked.
and another.

and i was completely and totally taken with the joy that the people
around me were having WITH me and FOR me. they were so tickled i
got recognized like that. and they were right there with me surrounding
me with the most joyful love ever.

while i can't say i don't care about the exposure, because of course i do -
i can say, that it wasn't my focus at all.
i was so moved with the outpouring of support.
i was so moved with the love in my life.

and somehow all those notes and comments and postings all
formed this great big shining mirror where i could see my heart.
i could see it was a good heart.
i could see it was something that needed my attention right then,
and my honoring of it.

the love all around me reflected in such a way that i could
see the love inside of me and i could see the love that was part of me.
and i could see the love that was calling to me to pay attention.

and THAT was why her posting meant the world to me yesterday.

it was an incredible experience.
i'm still moved.
and still tickled.
and still dancing.....