Wednesday, December 10, 2014

what a day

this time of year finds me running.
hard.

which i love.
mix it in with the holiday magic,
and i feel pretty darn good.

but, every now and then, without really expecting it,
a wave of weary will come over me.

not everything is always 100% wonderful, ya know?
not everything is a hallmark movie.
and while i'm pretty good with that,
i think those not so easy things can sneak up on me in the quiet moments.

and sometimes they bring weary.

this afternoon, in what felt like out of the blue,
a wave of weary hit.

i've been thinking a lot about the questions in the blog below
about living from habit or from what i want, and being who i am in the moments.

so i checked in with myself and asked where i was.
and i was okay with weary.
it wasn't habit, i knew what it was from,
several things mixing together,
and i knew that it had to kinda wave in and out when it did.
and that was all part of the process.

so i decided it was okay, and i'd pay attention to who i was thru it.

that in itself felt kinda cool.
awareness, acceptance and watching to see where i went.
i am making some strides here and there!

well, it IS the season for magic.
and as i sat back down at my computer to catch up with some things,
i saw a lovely woman, a beautiful friend, had donated to bone sigh arts.
an incredibly generous amount.

and a whole new wave washed over me.
gratitude.

i knew just where i would use the donation. there's never a loss for places.
and i just smiled from ear to ear. this gave me such help in spreading bone
sighs - in trying to be a candle this holiday season. this was such a treat.
and it felt so affirming of who i was and what i did......
and i love what i do.

and gratitude just went thru the roof!

and then i watched.
the weary was still there right there next to the gratitude.
and i thought how amazing that is.

i have so wanted to learn to hold it all, hold the mix.
and no, i'm nowhere near that,
but i could see steps in the right direction here.
i could hold both those things together.
and that in itself felt like magic.

what a season.
what a journey.
what a day.


2 comments:

Sorrow said...

The mix, it's a thing isn't it?
~smile~

diane in ar said...

I love this blog - love the honesty of weariness and the breathless joy of gratitude. . .love mostly how you look at it, think about it, learn from it and share it all with us to help us. . .thank you, stars shining. . .