not at anyone's mercy!

okay.
interesting conversation just now...
asked for help in my thinking.
i was feeling 'at the mercy of' someone else.
what they did was gonna affect what i could do.
and i resented it.
asked for help in thinking about it.

i got the only answer you could really get....
that you're not at anyone's mercy. it's all up to you.

yeah, yeah, i said.
they were no help.

grin.

but i know it's true.

it's entirely up to me.

and yeah, it's totally true that what they do in
this situation will affect what i do in other situations.
totally true.
but that's with everything/everyone isn't it?
and that's what my buddy told me.

what's up to me is HOW i do whatever it is i do.
no one else can control that.
i'm not at anyone's mercy with that.

sigh.

that's good news and bad news.
it's good news cause i have control over that, and
i can make my life what i want.
it's bad news cause it takes a lotta work!

but what the heck.
the whole thought is pretty exciting.
i start putting it on this and that and them and
that over there......and well....

i'm kinda psyched about this.

i tell ya, when that feeling came up...i could feel it flood
all over me. i was at their mercy.
ugh.
it was a horrible feeling.

this one.....this one's floodin' in now.
i'm likin it........