back flips on the trapeze

sittin' here mullin' the complications of people....

discussin' a 'situation' this morning on the phone.
he described the two incredibly different view points
of an event that happened.

immediately, my mind muddled big time and jammed in that
place it jams....which usually gets me into trouble.

it's that place that believes if we all just communicate
clearly with each other, and we all understand each other,
then things will be okay.

doesn't that seem logical?!
yeah, right.

but i think the problem with that is it totally ignores
that everyone has a different agenda and that agenda
usually has ties with personal baggage.

that just seems to be the way people operate.
doesn't mean there can't be good people and good happenings
without weird strings....but i do think there's a whole
lot of connections in everything we do that we don't
even realize at times.

feeling the huge muddle come over me i asked him
'does this get you muddled or can you stay clear?'

both apparently.

i think he stays clear mostly, but it's harder for him.
shows him how complicated it all is.

he doesn't feel the need to do the back flips that i have
done in the past to try to communicate with people.
i have always admired that in him. and he's taught me
a lot on passin' on the back flips.

it's funny....i never thought about it before....
but back flips haven't once worked for me. not once.

anyone who could understand me, never needed a back flip.
never. maybe a hand reachin' out or a conversation.
but never a back flip or a series of back flips!

it's the people who couldn't hear or see that i did
them for.

well,hmmmmm.......that's not so brilliant, is it?

how can a back flip make someone see?
somewhere in my head there's always the voice that says:
if i word it differently, if i say it so they can understand,
if i just somehow communicate better....it'll be okay.
the back flip.

i can say it's cause i'm dense that i just haven't really
gotten the fact that i don't need to do back flips down yet.
but i think it's always been more of a need.
a need to hang on.
a need to not let go.

i just got this great visual.
picture the swinging trapeze people....
i want the person i'm swingin' with to see me.
i flip in the air, spin around, do fifteen roll overs
and then land grasping their hands and hangin' on for
dear life......

when all i really have to do is let go of the swing,
drop to the safety net, hop down to the ground,
and head on out of the circus.

definitely a visual i have to remember.
i know there'll be a time i need it......