before loss

i wonder what it is that creates those times
when everything seems to be working together
to help you get to another spot....

that's what the last two or three weeks feel
like to me.....this big crazy intricate weaving
of messages for me.

i was thinking about it last nite.
how i seem to get to repetitive spots.
and i laughed.
that's cause i'm a thick headed slow poke,
i thought.

nahhhh.....
i mean....
i am.
but it's cause that's the way life works.
or at least for me it does.

i'll get a concept down.
but to a certain level.
and then as i go along, i'll grow....
and the whole concept will come whirling back
to me as new as ever.

haven't i been here before? i'll think.
yeah. yeah. you have.
but not like this.
it's deeper. stronger.
and pushin' you to other places and will eventually
bring you right back here again to go even deeper
into the same concept.

it's one of those darn spirals!
and i'm here again at embracing my life.
not the first time i've been here at this concept.
but ohhhhh the first time i've been here at this
level.

and i'm likin' it.

and i want to dance....
but the body's just not quite there yet.
but the spirit so is.

so i sit here and dance thru some reading.
and i came upon this line....had to share....

'one only rides on the wings of an angel if
one is seriously committed to the experience
of heaven.'

ohhhhhh.......i liked that.
that's from marianne williamson.

and this....

'love will push every button, try every
faith, challenge every strength, trigger
every weakness, mock every value, and then
leave you there to die. but once you begin
to turn the corner, to leave love's bush
league and enter the pros, there is no
worldly activity that can match the joy of
flying like an eagle through the skies of
a lover's heart.'

ohhhhhhh.......

twice in the last 24 hours, i've gotten
notes from people who have lost someone they
loved with all their hearts. each note brought
me to my own loved ones. each note brought me
to tears.

all we have is now.
and i want to embrace it.

i don't know what we do after loss.
i'm so not good with that stuff.

but couldn't i at least get good with the
before loss stuff??

that's on my mind today.....