something clicked....

so i had a thought.
so deep in my bones it hit that i really
wanted to just weep.
i settled for crying a little and
curling in under my blankets and holding
it in my heart.

it wasn't just words.
it wasn't just thoughts.
it wasn't just understanding something.

it was 'getting it' deep deep inside me.

i have that bone sigh i throw out a lot:
"she didn't just survive, she became.'

she became what?
we all assume we know what.
all those things we want to become......
strong, and wise, and all that stuff
that we know that we'd fill that in
with.

and those women who 'become' inspire
me, and remind me to keep going. they
are the lights in my life.

but what about those women who DON'T
become.

what happens to the ones who survive
but don't become????

oh they become many things....
sisters, aunts, mothers,co-workers,
bosses...they become all kindsa things...
but not what we mean by that bone sigh
above.

what about them??
and the feeling OVERWHELMED me.

do they not deserve...have they not earned
...our compassion and love?

if we walked in their shoes and did not
'become' either -

then what is it we would need???

these thoughts and questions filled me
so completely i cried.

certain women came to mind.
the frustration, anger, and coldness i can
have towards them filled my mind.

is that what they need?

i cried.

and something clicked inside me.
deeply deeply clicked.
and my heart opened a little wider last nite.