gasp

i just reread my post.
i proofread them after they're up.
not always the smartest thing to do...
but then i fix them if i catch something.

so i just proof read the one below this
and i gasped.

i hadn't realized something.
so okay......first you gotta go read the
post right below this....

then throw this into the mix.....

before my 'life exploded' i kept thinking
about 'purity of heart.'

i kept thinking of the whole idea of that.

and i thought 'i want that.'

and i never ever thought i could get it in
one life time. still don't.
but i still wanted it.
i still wanted to try for it.

and then........
my heart got broken open.

oh my gosh.....

an answer to a prayer?
a first step of many steps of many
life times to maybe get where i wanted to
go???

i've kinda reworded my goal.....
don't think 'purity of heart' a lot these
days. i think things like 'becoming love.'

same thing prolly.....
but the purity of heart....and a broken open
heart......ohmygosh.

and as i look at my heart and the way i've
put it back together......
i've done some good stuff....
but i've done some stuff that totally
won't lead to becoming love or having purity
of heart.

hmmmmmm.........
i gotta watch myself sometimes!

i can be a sneaky duck.
and not even know what i'm doin'.

what is it you want, ter?
and what are you willing to go thru to get it?

my gosh, if i woke up every day with that question
in my mind.......

but i won't.

i might one day or two....
but mostly i think things like 'where's my socks,
gosh is the floor cold!'

grinnin'.....
and gaspin'......
and feelin' grateful for the journey......