is that you, god?

i got in the shower yesterday with that hot
water just blastin' on me and i was filled
with 'what is it you want to do with your
life right now?'

woe.

i was just takin' a shower.

recognizing the moment, i stepped further
under the water, closed my eyes, and listened
to see what was up.

just lots of questions.
not those lost questions of midlife.
the 'what's it all about?' questions.
i get those a lot.
but this was more directed.

more asking me to really think about what
it was i was doing right now.

believe it or not, it stunned me.
because.......because........because......
i can just get so caught up in daily life.
the micro vision thing.
the what am i making for lunch, thing.

sigh.

instead of......the where am i going this year, thing.

and so it was kinda cool.

i didn't come up with an answer right then.
but i heard the questions, and i held them.

then this morning.....the wind was callin' to me.

ohmygosh, i couldn't get out fast enough.

it's more gusty instead of steady. and not blowin
as hard as i had hoped. i wanted a steady stream
of knock you over wind.

but i got some good gusts.
and, of course, i couldn't just limit it to around
the block. it's too windy. i need some time in it.
so i did the whole walk.

and up under my trees, the best gust of the walk
came thru.

i stopped. put my face up. closed my eyes.
and it kept blowin'.

i stepped off the road. onto the side.
repositioned my face, closed my eyes again,
and just listened.

is that you, god? i asked.

and i grinned.

you want it to be, ter?

and i smiled.

yeah.
that'd be okay.

and i just stood there and felt it.

on my way home i thought of my life, of me,
who i am, things i want to do....

and i felt good.
i want to focus today....on something bigger.

i want to stop a few times today in the middle
of things and ask 'is that you, god?'

that's the kinda day i want to have today.